I came to a realization today as I was sitting in my Creative Nonfiction Writing class. I showed up late, so there's A LOT I missed. As everyone was fulfilling their writing assignment based on a video I didn't view, I ended up fulfilling my very own assignment. I was surprised to discover that the "voice" everyone was supposed to use was the one I naturally carried as I was writing. Then it came to me that earlier this year, I wouldn't have been able to successfully use that voice because I was too emotionally-detached to do so.
Writing is a human activity. A human is a physical embodiment of an emotional soul. I was letting a part of me die because I was trying to be something I'm not. Being more emotionally-receptive and emotionally-functional, my writing will grow and evolve. It'll capture moments in a grasping way the way it's supposed to. It won't be a one-dimensional description of strategically placed words. It'll be relatable, real.
When I first began this blog, I did it out of inspiration and to channel intense emotions I didn't know how to manage and put it into words, something I already enjoy doing. By recording what I feel and experience, it's made them more real and understandable. Being more conscientious of them, I noticed the changes in me and the transformation taking effect. But this is the first time real progress became evident because proof manifested itself in the way I wrote.
The more I feel, the more I realize how disconnected I am. The less I felt, the more connected I assumed I was because I didn't know any better. It's nice to know that even though I feel disconnected, I'm actually more connected than I initially realized. It's interesting that I channel the water and fire element less, which was the only proof that I was an emotional person. But when you function like a normal person who feels things, you don't always need to experience intense emotional fluctiations and rage. You calmly experience everything around you. Who knew? I certainly didn't for a very long time.