The past two days have felt a lot more cluttered than the preceding days since I’ve began this blog. I contrasted between my addictive personality manifesting itself and showing me how even the most insignificant of things affect me in immeasurable ways to feeling a little float less. As my mind wandered and was unable to focus yesterday, I jotted down a lot of notes channeling my addictive nature into something productive and positive.
Today I was lucky enough to hang out with one of my closest friends from high school. I haven’t seen him in 10 years. There’s something different about seeing people in person. You know how sometimes so much time goes by, but it seems like no time passed? That’s the kind of friendship we have. Sometimes reality would hit us and we’d realize how unaware we are about the recent activities of each other’s lives, but we still know each other really well; we just don’t know what the other person has been up to. The details of what we don’t know or haven’t fully realized became clear when we saw each other in person.
I apparently have pronounced frown lines that become emphasized when I frown. Duh concept I know but apparently in a noteworthy sort of way. I don’t usually feel old or young. I just feel like me and don’t care too much about the opinion of others, but that’s because most peoples’ opinions aren’t as important to me. The exceptions became clear today until my logic kicked in. It’s not that I look so old as much as ten years has gone by since he’s seen me! Of course I’m bound to look different!
It was fun and cool hanging out with him even though nothing we had planned seemed to have occurred. We got lost, reached the hiking trail, and left after mosquitoes attacked him and stalked him into the car until we went to grab a bite to eat. He was skeptical about the idea of me hiking because he wasn’t able to convince me to walk two blocks in the past. I knew that I would ruin my skirt (my other clothes are in storage), so I wore my long skirt. I wouldn’t want anything happening to my shorter skirts! I assumed it would get damaged from hiking, a consequence I was grudgingly willing to accept. Somehow my skirt’s slit was unraveling without the hike. We had talked about going makeup shopping because he’s amazing with colors, which he demonstrated as he observed my uneven tan lines! Since time was running out, I wanted to skip Sephora and head straight to Borders which was an afterthought. We almost went to my favorite sushi restaurant, Genkai, because we didn’t get to do the hiking trail, which I was so excited about, but that didn’t happen either.
Was I bummed out that these planned events didn’t occur? Of course, I’m still me. But I was able to accept them comfortably, which surprised me especially considering how emotionally fragile I thought I was since yesterday’s relapse. We actually talked about my fiery nature. That part of me still exists and probably always will because it was such a powerful force in my past, but I feel more watery now. I’m emotional in a way that’s led by compassion and care than pain and anger. However, today’s experience felt more like the air element. The day’s plan just drifted as time passed, while the earth felt like it was moving beneath us or maybe that was just time escaping us as the little time we had remaining seemed to get sucked into an evil portal of getting lost.
No comments:
Post a Comment