Monday, August 10, 2009

Bound to Crash, Day 15

I guess I'm bound to crash at some point. When I first created this blog, I really liked my philosophy, insights, and vision. I still believe in it, but I feel like I can't deliver that same essence and vibrancy. It's ironic because I actually told a friend that I write so much, as much as 20 times a day. Then poof! Nothing. I'm not always able to relate my life into writing and put it into words. That's probably a good thing.

If I see everything through words, what other senses can I use to understand my world? What other things will be left to sense? I created this blog as a way to find balance. I'm a dominant person. I have a strong presence. What many people don't realize is that I suffocate other aspects of who I am because my dominance takes over, and I want to change that. I've always preferred diversity and a dynamic environment. It never crossed my mind that I can be so single-minded that I've developed a narrow-minded understanding of things. I'm so open-minded that I think this is a reality many people fail to realize. Now that I know this it makes a lot of sense. I tend to attract people in my life that are opposites of me - visionaries, relaxed, kinder, gentler, more intelligent, tolerant, etc. Being exposed to something doesn't mean that I'm a part of that world. I think I like coming close to something that I feel I can't achieve myself.

I have five senses (sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste). The one I'm most connected to is sight. I rely so much on what I see, not what I feel, tangible or otherwise. I rely too much on my sight that it cripples me. Sometimes what you see is a lie. Sometimes what you perceive is a misconception. There's value in utilizing your other senses so that you can get a balanced perspective as much as possible. When you see something, it's also important to listen to what you're seeing. It creates a completely different effect for a reason. It's a reality that movies exploit for a reason because it's powerful. Yet I almost never seem to be aware of that. At best I see or I listen, but rarely do I do both. I'm afraid of touch because of how powerful it is. I only taste when I eat, and even then I barely do that nowadays. My sense of smell is practically doormat.

I think my entries will continue to become more stagnant and less insightful if I don't approach life in a more dynamic and open-minded way. Meditation will calm my mind down, allowing me to listen to something other than the incessant thoughts that plague me. Going back to cooking my own food will offer me the same benefit. Gardening will allow me to be closer to earth. Baking may be good for me to develop my sense of smell. The more you practice something, the more prepared you are. I don't want to do these things to improve but to expand these senses.

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