Saturday, June 22, 2013

Not Vibing with Celestine Prophecy

Not too long ago, I went hiking with a friend of mine that I adamantly insisted I HAD to go hiking with. It was an exchange of spiritual energy, insights, and wisdom. He recommended a book his girlfriend has called Celestine Prophecy because it includes all the details we discussed. When I read the description I was amazed, entranced, and happily relieved by the idea that topics such as these have been written. Perhaps I shouldn't be too surprised, but it's never crossed my mind to search for a book that covers the concerns I've invested quite a bit of time dwelling on.

It opened my eyes and consciousness to where my thoughts and effort are focused on. Rather than expressing my concerns and choosing to meditate and manifesting opportunities and resources to overcome them, I repeatedly highlight my struggles. While I do want to transcend to the next level where the complaints don't exist, that's not the energy I'm releasing into the universe. So my true desire to elevate from that is muffled and as a result takes much, much longer to be heard and come true.

This experience has made me realize that in the future when I dislike a certain circumstance, I'm going to retreat to a silent meditation. I'm more drawn to the types of meditation where I focus on my desires, but sometimes what I want may not be the best thing or what the universe is most attuned to at this point in my life. By being still and silent, I invite the universe to vibrate with what's best for me. But I have to allow myself this time.

By experiencing how much I appreciate discovering this book is a true encouragement to channel my energy more conducively to my self-growth. This book offers 9 key insights into life with the belief that insights each human being experiences is predicted to grasp sequentially, one insight, then another... Ancient wisdom reveals how to make connections between these events that occur in our lives at this moment in time and shows us how to see what's going to happen in the years to come. This guidebook crystallizes our perceptions to understand why we're where we are in life and to direct us toward a new energy.

Several years ago before I realized that I wasn't a 9-5 person and was trying to be a part of that world, the universe was ruthlessly trying to divert me from that path. Unbelievable things occurred. The train which was only two stops away would shut down, the doors wouldn't open, the tracks suspended, I got trapped in the elevator, the door to my job was locked, my computer wouldn't turn on, my headset would malfunction only when I was using it, and the most startling experience was when my foot got trapped and injured when it got stuck inside those water drainers on the street. After all of these things happened and I felt defeated, my stubbornness burned inside of me and I refused to let these barriers define my life. I was resentful of those around me who have been able to keep this steady job and was desperate to hang on to it. The next day I lost my voice, and I worked at a call center...

That's probably the first time I let go of my stubbornness. Truthfully I was scared. At this point I accepted that the universe has been trying to communicate with me and rather aggressively. I was frightened by what would happen to me next if I persisted and knew immediately that I had to make a change.

For the first time since then, the universe has been trying to deviate me from the path I'm on. I've come across two forms of barriers - ones that are challenging and presented as an opportunity for us to learn, grow, and overcome them, while the second barriers were put in place to prevent us from leading down the path we're on. You know when you're rushing in traffic and frustrated that you aren't moving forward only to realize that you avoided a few accidents? It's like that but less intense.

I submitted for a job that focuses on healthy living. Being passionate about holistic nutrition and by fully embracing the beauty that promos allow me the chance to truly express who I am, I wrote beautifully about my philosophy and my love for cooking, gardening, and a holistic lifestyle. An agency immediately loved me and reached out to me several times when I was unable to respond because I've been so busy. I had a skype interview and I was asked about my experiences which included but not limited to Team Lead responsibilities. That wasn't the position I submitted for, but that was the job offered to me.

It involved transportation responsibilities such as picking up and dropping off inventory, things I prefer to not do. I usually inform the agency that unfortunately I don't drive and I want to make sure that I can commit to any jobs I accept and that the responsibilities included aren't well-suited for me. My honesty is appreciated and I offer references, as well. That cordial interaction leaves a positive memory in their minds and often times I get work from them down the line. But this job offered a branded vehicle that covers the expense of mileage, gas, and time.

I was also told that I'd have at least a month's notice before a job takes place but that they wanted to start training me. They asked me what my schedule was and when I let them know, I somehow found that I volunteered myself as a Team Lead for a promo that same week... Quite a bit of product and a large cooler had to be transported and I don't have a car... My arrangements to find transportation kept falling through. The time went from 8 am to 10 am. The inventory was supposed to arrive on Thursday, but there was a delay. I still had a large cooler to pick up and training to attend to. My friend who was supposed to pick me up should've been off of work by 2 pm but was informed that day that she'd be working until 4 pm only to work past 5 pm... I left the office awkwardly trying to give the impression that I was running off to meet a friend who came to pick me up when no one was in sight...

I walked two miles with a large cooler almost as tall as me, frustrated to no end. At this point I didn't hear from my friend or know at all where she was or what was going on. I decided to take the bus for the last two blocks only to learn that the bus that was going in the right direction was taking a detour. So I was left contemplating and reflecting the signs that revealed that this path isn't for me. This left me no time to get my phone replaced, either, which was my next plan for the day. All of this happened on Thursday.

When I finally got off where I needed to be, I sat down on the cement ground and began sobbing. Not because I had to carry a heavy cooler. When I first moved to LA and had no friends, I moved a full size fridge on a dolley and walked it over a mile to my new place. I was crying because I've been reading the Simple Living Guide and it emphasizes awareness. I've been reading the words that shares the value of really experiencing things, so we can understand them and not be a victim to absent-mindedness. I loved the message but failed to practice it and I had no idea. When the universe kept putting the brakes on my chaotic missions, I realized that my life has become a domino effect of one bad barrier after another that I mindlessly kept trying to force pass.

The shipment arrived on Friday, but I was already booked on something else which forced me to pick it up at FedEx shortly before the event took place. At this point everyone at the agency was too busy frantically trying to locate and expedite this delayed and missing shipment, while simultaneously finding a FedEx where I could pick it up before the event. The shipment detail was never sent to me as it should have because it was sent to yahoo. I don't have yahoo... And there was concern that my name wasn't spelled correctly, so there could be a problem picking up the package. I also had to pick up dry ice from Smart & Final. None of this was feasible without my own transportation.

A friend of mine fortunately found me assistance, but I cut it really close. These complications weren't the fault of the agency, and we were all burdened by it. But the truth is that I feel like it happened because I was where I'm not meant to be and it affected everyone else involved. Because of my insistent manifestation and priority that I didn't want to jeopardize my professionalism and I wanted so much to make this work because these people are so wonderful, I believe it worked out. But it was a painful process.

FedEx couldn't locate the package, but their record indicated that it was there. Then they couldn't find all of the packages, which took time to retrieve. I technically didn't arrive late, but this is an all-girl staff and all 5 people involved were incredibly chatty and repetitive. It wasn't necessary for every person in the thread to follow up and ask and share every detail of my status, but it kept happening. It added to my stress!

I'm so grateful that the day is over. I ended up having to take the bus home again with this stupid giant cooler, which I suspect I'll have to do again to return! Sadly it's preferable because I'm reminded that people are unreliable. A friend and I had a terrible miscommunication. I specifically asked him if he could take me and he said yes, but he thought I was talking about taking me to a commercial that was taking place after this promo. There were constant signs that I was referring to this promo especially since when I first asked him, I didn't even know the commercial's call time. This is why I was begging for help the day before the promo because I was under the false impression that this was secured. I had another friend who was adamant that she'd come get me because she wanted me to take my things I left at her place. It's an OCD that she has. She was more stressed about returning a stupid pineapple than being concerned that I could barely carry this cooler only for her to say that I should find other arrangements because she'd be there so late. I was livid! Then I took the bus back when someone was coming in my direction because she had other plans. I was merely asking her to drop me off to wherever she was going to because I could walk home from there, and that was too much of a burden for her. So it took me almost four hours to get home. Another friend who said he'd get back to me at noon about picking me up hasn't reached out to me at all.

I don't like being resentful because others aren't able to take care of me, but this overwhelming amount of people going back on their word has been a stressful and infuriating experience I don't want it to happen again. Thank goodness for my friend who so responsively found someone who could help me out and for her energy. Because she's reliable, honest, and true to her word, she attracts people with the same integrity. This stranger who's now become one of the most reliable people I know has saved me and rejuvenated my faith in the kindness of others.

With that said, after finishing this entry, I'm going to send in my paperwork with an email explaining why I'm not suited for this position even with a branded vehicle. It'd take time to get to the vehicle. When unexpected things arise with packaging as it often does, I may not be able to accommodate. Whoever takes this role should have the flexibility to adapt their schedule as needed. That isn't me.

My goal is to meditate on what is for me and to connect with that vibrational energy.

**Too lazy to edit, so sorry for any typos and errors**

Thursday, June 13, 2013

My Month of June

My horoscope says that for the month of June, the energy surrounding me is conducive to self-reflection and that career and romance is on the back burner, that I wouldn't have to concern myself with finances. This has so far been accurate. Several freelance jobs naturally fell apart either under mutual or incompatible circumstances. I have, however, procrastinated on pursuing personal emotional endeavors by allowing myself to be distracted. It's shockingly automatic to become enslaved to technology and habit. While I truly appreciate the modern convenience that both facebook and twitter offers me, it's become even more essential that I create boundaries for myself. When I step back from being on auto pilot, I realize that I'm consumed by the demand. So this time I've decided to write my long and overdue entry before I tackle anything else.

So much has happened and when it does, I think to myself how I should blog about it, but I never give myself the time to do just that. I read a book called "Feelings Matter" and the way I was granted access to that book is quite magical. A good friend of mine lent it to me. I had mentioned how much I wanted to read it and perhaps even borrow it at one point as I held it in my hand and began reading it. But for some reason I wasn't inclined to ask if I could. A year or so later, he found himself donating a bunch of books and somehow that one managed to escape the herd of books by hiding in a sneaky spot in the car. =P

The more I read it, the more I understood why I was so drawn to it but it wasn't until the last twenty pages that I absorbed it and realized that I want to own my own copy. It's marvelous when I read books like that. I'm currently reading the Guide to Simple Living. It talks about the beauty and benefits of living a simple life. While not everything is new, it's presented in a way I'm receptive to. I also gravitate towards the message because of how much I've changed and grown.

Lately I've been wanting to indulge by going to a sushi restaurant. I don't usually crave the dining experience, just the delicious food but something about the environment is very enticing to me as of late. I've been working so hard that when I've been granted a break, I realized that I was at a loss about who to call and go out with. This is surprising considering how social I am.

I love freelance work because although I have to work hard and hustle to gain employment, I get to pick and choose the assignments I'm a part of. I welcome the stress and thrill it brings me. After all everything has its drawbacks. It's a matter of finding what works for us. This is actually the philosophy and tone of the book I'm currently reading takes. Anyway my job surrounds me with people and my friends, so I was surprised to realize that I haven't done the social thing in a really long while. Maybe that's why I want that sushi experience.

I lost touch with a lot of friends and somewhere in the process I must've lost touch with myself. When we don't take time for ourselves, we aren't able to fully give ourselves to others and be there for them the way they both need and deserve for us to be. Lately I'm reminded of that because when I call my friends, I'm able to reach them and have had some of the most meaningful and cathartic conversations of my life. The universe is providing me with the opportunity to connect with people on a deeper level. It's a beautiful experience and I hope that everyone creates the space necessary in their lives to share these kinds of moments with their loved ones.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

The Meaning of Spring Cleaning

Today I attended a Spring Cleaning workshop held by a Personal Organizer. I wasn't quite sure what I was expecting, but the $5 suggested donation was well within my budget and I had a free schedule. I felt open and receptive to it. When I arrived, I found a collection of books on organizing and decluttering for our material possessions as well as our spiritual selves and other related topics such as feng shui. While waiting for everyone to arrive, we were encouraged to browse through anything that caught our attention. It's such a great concept! It puts people in a curious, receptive, and distracted mood from people who are running late, while we get to learn more about the things that interest us.

I lost my voice, so it was a bit of a challenge. But it worked out! I must admit that in the beginning I was disappointed because although I'm confident that the host is a much more skilled Organizer than myself, I found her information to be very basic and familiar for me. However I was happy to observe that others were delighted by the information. As for me, I became discouraged about how I could possibly benefit from information I already implement.

I've been paid as a Personal Organizer and have worked at Organized Living. But if you were to walk into my space, it's actually quite tragic and people would immediately and understandably question my ability to organize. A lot of it has to do with motivation. I've somehow learned to become comfortable in clutter when I became better at managing my OCD. I was no longer enslaved to its demands and I rebelled against it. With such a busy schedule, a limited budget, and most deprecating of all, an unmotivated attitude, clutter has infested my space.

I still have small corners that with a little effort, attention, careful budgeting, and motivation, it can easily be remedied. Unlike many others, I'm not a hoarder and freely discard things that no longer serve me. I have very little things to work with. I've already gone through the sorting and purging. What's really crippled me from organizing is that I don't have the tools I need such as shelving units. I'm just not a very handy person and despite the many friends I have, many of them are unavailable to assist me. As much as I'd love to take on this adventure myself, history has shown me that it's actually more costly and damaging.

It's just something I can't afford to risk. But the truth is that if I really wanted to manifest this, I could. I often hesitate because the people who offer to assist me are perverts who give me a lending hand because they expect sexual gratitudes as a result. It's an extremely uncomfortable situation. But I have to refocus my energy and attract a new energy to aid me in my process. After all that's what spring cleaning is all about! Getting rid of the negative energy to make room for new energy to flow.

When I presented my dilemma to the Personal Organizer, I found her repeating herself which is never a good sign. I heard her the first time and it's not becoming anymore insightful. Because I couldn't speak, a lot of what she was saying was already written out by me but she expressed it under the impression that it was helpful for me because she didn't have a chance to read through everything. Really, there were solutions I came up with that she never mentioned. She describes herself as creative and perhaps she is, but I found myself to be more resourceful and innovative. It's frustrating when I find myself in that situation. I'm too advanced to be in the beginners group but not advanced enough to be in the advanced section, and I never quite feel like I belong. I welcome someone whose insights are greater than mine. I'm not certain if she was aware of how repetitive she was or if that was her brainstorming process, but I wasn't a fan of it...

Then all of a sudden, she came up with an incredibly obvious but extremely effective solution that somehow managed to escape my mind and has restored my faith and provided me with a solution for my goal! This is very exciting for me! I have a very limited space, so a lot of functions are defined to proximity. But my current system is ineffective because it's unrealistic to pull things out specifically creative stuff only to require that I immediately put them back box by box. It doesn't allow any creative energy to flow and expand. Any attempt would risk stagnation and disorganization by leaving everything cluttered and visible. Then she said the magical solution. Wheels. How simple is that! They have storage units that come with units that are perfect for me!

Yes, this is pricey but that's what freecycle is for. Whenever I'm truly passionate in my manifestations, I receive what I seek and finding a storage unit with wheels for portability purposes is exactly what I need. I become extremely unmotivated, lethargic, and diminish in energy when I enter my space and it's because of the lack of personality and surrounding clutter. It's very consuming. This is the first step towards resolution and I couldn't be more excited!

Friday, January 18, 2013

I Feel More Connected

Everything has energy and lately I've felt more connected to it than I have in a while except this time it's not debilitating as it has been in the past. There's the unbearable, intense connection, and then there's the subtler kind where I'm able to feel more simultaneously. I went to an audition yesterday and it was a great learning experience. I didn't prepare because it said it wasn't a speaking role, but they wanted me to portray an annoying, frustrated Office Manager. To convince the cast that I could play this role, I had to give a speech as an Office Manager improv. Even if I had practiced twenty minutes before the audition, I would've done much better.

When I left, I had an open schedule for several hours. I saw a store that peaked my interest, so I got off the bus only to realize that I left my shoes behind. When I'm receptive, my actions are conducive to what's best for me. Had I have not turned around at that exact moment, I would've been much further before I realized I forgot about my shoes. Lately it's been feeling like every experience is an emotional and energetic awareness enhancement program.

The store I was interested in was a metaphysical shop surrounded by crystals, Buddhist statues, spiritual books, and the sorts. The man behind the desk appropriately greeted me and while he was present, he seemed somewhere else. I felt like the crystals he's around all day must've had an impact on him. Have you ever seen someone who shakes their foot sometimes shakes his or her entire body? That's what his energy was like. I didn't see his body shake, but it's as if it was. By the time I left the store and wished him more grounding energy, he was calmer. It was a beautiful experience.

While I was waiting for the bus, I called in to see if I can get to work. Sometimes I work as an extra. I call a phone line judiciously as most attempts are left with busy signals. When my energy's determined and I'm focused, I usually get through. I've been distracting lately by a guy I'm interested in, but unfortunately as I hesitated, someone else captured his attention. These things happen. Sometimes I wish I'd see him, but what's the point of that? He's taken and therefore withdrawn around me now by creating boundaries. The only time he talks to me now is in passing or in group situations.

I've put a lot of effort into refocusing my energy and I had a chat with myself saying that I need work for myself. This has nothing to do with him. I have rent I have to pay. There are a minimum amount of days I must work to meet my rent. I strengthened and manifested my energy but hesitated to release the thoughts I deserve this! I was building up to it, though. I knew that I'd get the job as long as I got through the lines. Finally when I did express to myself that I deserve this, all of a sudden I got through! It made me realize that I have to advocate for my worth!

I also had an epiphany while I was trying to get through the lines. I was planning to stop by Sprint to have my phone inspected. I began to worry if I should go to the Sprint nearby or the one by my place because I wondered if it was wise to stop calling to have my phone checked. On the other hand, email's so important for another line of work I do. Then I realized that here I am creating scenarios that may or may not come to light in an unfavorable circumstance. I realized that once the call finally went through. It never crossed my mind that I'd get through so quickly and that concern would never have to be addressed. That's not an uncommon way of thinking for me. I have to make a change.

My inventory of thoughts and experience on this day may seem mundane and even unworthy of writing, but it expanded my life and I felt like recording it. Sometimes we achieve the greatest epiphanies during the simplest moments because that's when we're undistracted and receptive.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

What an Eventful 2013!!!

Today marks the two-week anniversary of 2013. (Or at least it is today as I write this.)… In a matter of two weeks so much has happened for me. On the first day of this year, (yes the first day) I started it off incredibly well by making half of my rent in a single day! I had an interview with a promo agency that's expanding to the West Coast and had the opportunity to interview in person, which is very rare in the promo world! Then another promo agency called me for a brief phone interview. I found out that the guy I like began seeing someone, while I sat there refusing to accept that he was, in fact, interested. It was the first guy I've been attracted to who's healthy for me and someone I could really see a future with. But my denial and self-sabotage took over and left me with reflection and insight I can apply in the future. I've also been booked for work next month, thanks to someone I met last year at a promo event. I'm also scheduled for a complimentary haircut and color treatment just as I was telling my mother that I need to get this done! Additionally the promo work I'm doing next month is for a deep conditioning treatment! I manifested a free manicure when I realized that I have to take better care of my hands for the hand modeling audition next month. I had a great time with a friend who took me shooting, treated me to dinner, and gave me my first driving lesson of the year. (Yes, I don't know how to drive... Let the shock pass you! LOL) I also had an interview for a gamer modeling position. I was also requested to make a video submission for a commercial. I enjoyed my favorite tacos, which is a small but wonderful indulgence! :) I'm looking forward to what the New Year brings me! ^.^

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

In Better Spirits

As some of you may know, I haven’t been in the healthiest state and it’s affected my mood and how I process information. I’m usually exceptional tolerant, patient, and I’m naturally good at not getting sucked into negative confrontations with friends. Unfortunately we all have our moments, and I’ve recently had mine. But I’m happy to report that I’m in better spirits! J

I’m returning to my normal self. I’m encouraging, supportive, perceptive, and intuitive towards my friends. I’m considerate and thoughtful. I began cooking again. I made simple pasta with thinly sliced Brussels sprouts and bacon in half and half cream sauce. It was yummy! Today I made sautéed kale and carrots with baked fish and quinoa. I’m not sure about quinoa, but every other ingredient I used has anti-inflammatory effects which will do my health good.

I went back to my place and felt inspired to clean. I swept everything and one side of my apartment actually looks neat. I still have other corners to tackle, but all in all I’m satisfied. Yesterday I had the opportunity to work on my art journal but never got around to it. I’d like to take the time to do it today. I’m not sure what my evening looks like, but I have a pretty good idea what it might be and I’m looking forward to it. J

Give It Meaning and Purpose

It’s finally resonated with me that I must customize my decisions and be scrupulous in the work I take on. Registering to become an extra has been something I’ve been procrastinating on completing, but I’m glad I finally got started. It’s fun. But a part me allowed myself to taint the fun I was having due to my insecurities. Being an extra is a lot of fun, but it’s very menial work. It doesn’t require a lot of intelligence and anyone can do it. It made me feel inadequate that the only job I’ve been successful at thus far is something children can perform…

I didn’t give this thought much power, but it has entered my mind, that as time progressed and I became comfortable with the amount of workflow provided, if I’m not careful it’ll disappear because I’m not meant to do this. And every time I participate in something that isn’t conducive to my path for too long, it falls apart. That’s the last thing I want. I shared my concern with a friend who quickly dismissed this idea. She’s worked with me and knows me well as a friend and has observed that I’ve never been this happy where I’ve worked before.

It reminded me that I’m allowed to have fun and embrace this. But unlike my friend I’m still worried that if I’m not careful this job I love so much could fall apart. However, my friend’s astute observation has transformed my energy. My ultimate goal is to become a holistic nutrition coach, and I don’t want to deviate from that. It’s so easy to become distracted.

My friend said she can see me combining my two passions – holistic nutrition within the extra world. It actually makes a lot of sense and one of the things I enjoy so much about being an extra is I share my passion with others and several people have asked for my insights. One girl was genuinely encouraging and said she’d pay me to get insights on holistic nutrition! ^.^ Something about her sincerity has really touched me.

It occurred to me that jobs only fall apart when they become a distraction and therefore unproductive. If I stay focused on my goals by incorporating extra work as a stepping stone to achieve my desire to become a holistic nutrition coach, I believe the universe will assist me in my path. I’d like to get work a few times a week with long shifts. It’s not guaranteed but I’m going to manifest it! J It’s important my rent is covered and the remaining will be saved towards the cost of tuition! J Yay! I have the discipline and focus to not get distracted, so it shouldn’t be too difficult. But I do intend on enjoying sushi at one point. However it’ll be a rare indulgence!