Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
So after two days of being broken up, my ex comes to my apartment and expresses that he feels he might have overreacted and that he's willing to babysit my TV and DVD player because there's not that much space in my apartment. Gee, thanks. What a male reaction, right? When he saw how unamused I was he snapped and said, "Fine, you don't want my help? Whatever! I don't give a damn! I don't even care." Then two seconds later he asks if I'm okay and need any help moving stuff around :) He cares.
My apartment complex is like high school. Everyone knows everyone's business. There's the OG partiers and then there's him and me. The youngsters see us as the party king and queen. Yeah right! We do tend to have people over. Anyways, some friends from the other units have asked about what's been going on. I got this whole speech that bordered on the balance of the universe (apartment social interaction) has to be restored. Things were more comfortable, social, and happier before things fell apart.
It's true, but I can't be with someone who distrusts me so much. I show consideration and thoughtfulness towards my friends. I overcompensate for my selfishness which I don't try to do, but there's a lot I don't understand. So I analyze and all I can do is draw on my own experiences. It becomes centered around me. I'm sure it's a challenge and a constant annoyance my friends tolerate. I show my gratitude by doing little things. It's not flirty; I won't change my ways. I can't be with someone who distrusts me and sees the worst in me when I'm actually doing something nice. What a set up that is!
As it turns out, though, that's not quite how it is. He never really distrusted me. He's had insecurities which I've had, too, in all honesty. It's like reflex for me. I've been crying a lot lately. Work, school, finances, and other aspects of my personal life has been miserable. It's made me a crazy emotional girl! He didn't think I was cheating on him but worried that a person in my situation would be tempted to cheat because he thought I was unhappy in the relationship. That makes sense considering how many tears I've shed, but that actually had nothing to do with him.
Some distance had made him realize that I bounce back up really quickly from the tears, so it couldn't be as bad as he once thought it was. He had doubts when I said everything's fine because my eyes are watering. That's understandable. We haven't known each other for that long, so he doesn't know I mean it when I say stuff like that. I'd be lying if I said it doesn't bother me, but it's an understandable skepticism. Girls bullshit all the time about those things.
My perception of everything was drastically different, too. I heard that he was happy from someone who's perception is a little shallower. I also heard him hanging out with the guys until really late, so I assumed that he was having a blast. Our friends were telling me otherwise. Sometimes it's good to get the insights of a man. Getting a PS3 was a way for him to not deal with what happened.
He admitted that he's been broken up about what happened and hasn't slept well. I thought it was just me. I assumed he didn't sleep well because he was up all night. It never occurred to me that he was up all night hanging out with the guys because he couldn't sleep. My tendency to always think that a person would rather be away from me came out as I suspected that he kicked me out of his place when he said that I can go back to hanging out with the guys and he has to shower. The guys asked if I ever had to leave when he showered before. No, he was just being considerate.
I got further confirmation about this from him. We've decided to take things slowly. We had some epiphanies about where we went wrong. We also spend a lot of time with other people because people just gravitate towards us. It's hard for us to really get to know each other and pick up on ques when we're distracted. We aren't exactly together right now, but we're developing our friendship so that down the line we can change that. It's exclusive. We're not seeing anyone else. We're going to have "date nights or days" where we dedicate time that's just us, so we can be around each other.
I'm really looking forward to this. It feels like everyone's uncomfortable with the breakup. It not only affected the two people involved but everyone surrounding us. How insane is that? Just not hearing us laugh, bicker, cook, and socialize was enough for facebook intervention. Neither of us can return to the relationship we had, but I don't think we'll revert to the way things were. We just misinterpreted a lot of things and reacted falsely. A different approach, we're hoping, will change the outcome. Only time will tell. We're all optimistic about it.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Anyways I just broke up with my boyfriend because of a trust issue. We weren't together for that long and I suppose trust is earned, but I was so hurt that he didn't trust me for as long as he has and kept it from me for so long. I'm not the kind of person he accused me to be, and I don't want to be with someone who thinks that about me. And even though his suspicions about me are completely off the chains crazy, I don't want him to be with someone he distrusts, either. He deserves to be with someone he feels comfortable with. It was an irrational decision on my part. I made a swift decision. I didn't take the time to consider how we had just met and trust is earned as he emphasized twice. While I don't want either of us to be in that situation, no one said that can't change.
I miss him. I handled things so poorly throughout our brief relationship because in a twisted way I did want to break things off. I'm scared. I regret that decision.
Confusion or illusion. Corruption’s my talent, what’s yours?
Sometimes I don’t know whether to hate you or kiss you.
It’s naïve to think that orchids will last a lifetime.
Nutcracker – Concert – Las Vegas – Picnic – Driving up to the Mountains – Hiking – Vacay – Hotel – Moving in together – Two-Month Texas Home – Sexy Biker – Auto Show – Clubbing – Making a Star Tree Topper – Stealing a Star Ornament – Valentine Parade – Container Gardening – Kinks and Fun – Glen Ivy Hot Springs – Marathon - Indoor Cycling - Frisbee Golf - Snowboarding - A Purple Christmas - Brownies! - Camping - Poetry Recital -
Kiss Me or Die!
It’s naïve to believe that orchids can last a lifetime
It’s stupid to think that you can find nourishment and protection from a cactus
Daffodils and cactuses can never be
All things I love
Why It’s Good We Broke Up List
Why It’s Good We Broke Up List
Sad one moment. Clear as day certain that it's the right thing. Miss him a little. Remember what an idiot he is. Even his friends have told me that I'm really sharp. He's not stupid, but he's not bright. Are you sure you can happy with him? Or I've gotten. You're a smart girl. Ask yourself if you really want to be with someone like him. And just jumping around in thought like that. It's exhausting. And the answer's yes. He's not high functional intelligence to the extreme like me as in rapid fast speed thinking, but he's keen and perceptive. We connected.
I Heart Jaymie
I Stayed Away for a Reason
The best first date ever. The happiest break up…for him. Saddest moment for me followed by tears jumping out of my eyes, the salt burning my skin only to be washed away by the feeling of breathlessness and pain in my throat. The blood collects and I want to do is collapse as I silently suffer, trying to rack my mind about all the awful things about him so I’ll stop missing him. But all I see is his smile. Desperately trying to push away the desire to be held by him, to be in his arms.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning.
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business.
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. PUBLISH A BOOK - A DREAM OF MINE!
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem.
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby.
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee