Monday, November 16, 2009

My Extended Absence, Day 102, 103, 104, and 105

It's amazing how much can happen during such a brief period of time. I saw my ex, but I didn't greet him because he was talking to a girl. The idea that he would publicly reject me wasn't an experience I was ready or willing to stomach. But the truth is that I wanted to say hi to him, so I should have. Every time I deny a part of who I am it seems to backfire. I guess he was so upset by how I acted that he deleted me as a facebook friend. I would've never expected that from him. What an extreme reaction seeing how he went from claiming that it was a serious, exclusive thing to it's only casual to we're friends and can still talk to ignoring one phone call and IM to deleting me as a facebook buddy simply because I didn't greet him. Is it so unreasonable to assume that my ex wants to have nothing to do with me after all that? It doesn't make me any less devastated seeing how he's virtually my only ex that I'm not friends with until yesterday....I got an email from another ex who says he can't be friends with me anymore even though he's forgiven me because he has trust issues. We broke up over two years ago. I guess you never truly know a person.

I ran into an old friend and made a new one. My living situation has reached a stable resolution. After meeting a friend on Wednesday, the very next day I was offered help to move in my furniture from storage to my apartment because they have a truck for their own purposes. I have so many amazing people in my life that have helped me more than they ever needed to. I have no doubt that they're amazing, but this is the first time I was extended such an offer without seeking it. It really means a lot to me.

I made a new friend. I found a new chef. I "stole" his leather jacket. I made mojitos. After a few rounds, we all went outside and he let me wear his leather jacket. He said it looked good on me and that he's thinking of letting me wear it. He, being a new friend, had no idea how literal I would take it, but my other friend knew. We just knew he'd never see it again. Hahaha!

After they helped me move, they had to go off and do their own thing temporarily. My friend told me to let him know if I needed help re-arranging the furniture. I figured it would be harder for me, but I'm capable of moving furniture on my own. I was right. However, as it turns out, it's also a destructive course of action. The leg off of my entertainment center fell off similarly to how my computer table leg off fell during my last move.

My friend put my bed together only to crumble it down as he checked to see if I had an outlet behind it. Crappy IKEA furniture. Putting it together didn't work without it being pushed up to a wall. Of course, moving that broke it again. LOL! Poor guy kept having to repair the bed multiple times. All I had to do was push a piece in, and my violent ass dented the bed! After a ridiculously long time of bed drama (not that kind, pervs!), I went downstairs to enjoy some soup.

We started watching movies and I just remember going in and out of consciousness. I was laying on the bed, on top of the blanket, and little me was taking over the entire space practically like a fat bitch! Next thing you know I stole my friend's only pillow and I rolled the blanket over me while I was on it. I woke up to see my friend laying down in the far end of the corner with his shoes still on and his head leaned back on the headboard. I felt so bad! After all that effort he put into fixing my own bed, he didn't even get to enjoy a good night's sleep only to wake up to help me downgrade to a smaller storage unit. Now before anyone thinks I'm a regulating Dominatrix (don't ask), he suggested it! Some people are just awesome like that. Honestly though, it really meant a lot to me. My other friend I knew for a while, but I just met this guy. The timing couldn't be more perfect, too! They even asked if I wanted to move in with them because I do click better with the guys, but my current unit allows me to store my furniture. So I went with the purple couch, baby!

This experience put some things into perspective for me. I keep going back and forth between making the effort to be friends with someone because my premonitions indicate something greater. I already know or feel confident that those premonitions won't come to term, but I do want to deepen my friendship with certain people. Then I came to the realization that it shouldn't be this hard. And it shouldn't. That brief conclusion left me satisfied with being essentially facebook "friends" until I realized that life is difficult. I shouldn't give up on things just because they aren't ideal. If you know that you can be friends with someone by putting in the effort, I shouldn't let it stop me simply because it requires effort. Quality friendships are rare and hard to find. Even I know that and I'm blessed with a lot of them.

I've been hanging onto my furniture not just for materialistic purposes but because of the emotionally and historical significance. I associate it to home. It's evidence that I worked hard. It's a reflection of my personality. I associate it with stability and a sense of place. I love that I have it now, but I realized that comfort isn't confined to pretty purples. I feel more at home in my friend's basic room on his stiff bed and unfamiliar things than my own things. Don't get me wrong. I'm still eternally grateful for what they did for me, but I like that my ability to feel comfortable is starting to detach from materialism.

I went to my friend's graduation party and saw the game. Pacquaio, baby! Full retreat, full retreat! (Ahaha! Inside joke!) We rolled in there with style. Well the guys did anyways. I looked all right, but the boys looked good. I'm really bummed out that we didn't take pictures. But I finally have my digital camera. I'll be picture whoring soon enough! Speaking of which, I've got pictures of friends stuffing their heads in my amethyst crystal! :)

After my furniture was moved into my apartment, there was so much space in the storage unit that he offered to help me move my stuff to a smaller unit the very next day! Isn't that awesome? We did that. The next day we got all dressed up to go to the opera to watch my friends perform. I was so excited about this performance even though I'm not a fan of opera because I couldn't see my friend for over a month. He's been working so hard on this performance. It was symbolic of why he haven't been hanging out. So it was really important to me. I'm so disappointed that I got the days mixed up. Even though I'm sure he'll understand, I was still devastated.

In a matter of days, I found stability in my home life. I found my direction again. I reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and old friendships were re-defined and sadly pricked away. But all of these changes are moving towards a new direction in my life. I'm looking forward to entering a new chapter in my life. So if that means removing past ghosts, that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

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