Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Day 135?

So after a few days of crying, I woke up dry eyed and a little sore. I'm numb some of the time and other times my eyes are just gushing with tears. When did I become such a fucking chick? This is bullshit! Speaking of bullshit, I just realized that I may be typing away at something that makes no sense because there's no background. Then again my ramblings are probably always like that as observed by one of my friends! Thanks. -___- Eh, it's a fair analysis.

Anyways I just broke up with my boyfriend because of a trust issue. We weren't together for that long and I suppose trust is earned, but I was so hurt that he didn't trust me for as long as he has and kept it from me for so long. I'm not the kind of person he accused me to be, and I don't want to be with someone who thinks that about me. And even though his suspicions about me are completely off the chains crazy, I don't want him to be with someone he distrusts, either. He deserves to be with someone he feels comfortable with. It was an irrational decision on my part. I made a swift decision. I didn't take the time to consider how we had just met and trust is earned as he emphasized twice. While I don't want either of us to be in that situation, no one said that can't change.

I miss him. I handled things so poorly throughout our brief relationship because in a twisted way I did want to break things off. I'm scared. I regret that decision.

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