Happiness Always Hiding in the Shadows, Day 115

How can I ever expect to embrace happiness and escape my demons if I continue to store and even re-locate happiness to the shadows away from the sun? Darkness is where danger lies, home of the demons and destruction. That must be why I'm so at peace and home there. How awful is that? I have to fix myself before I can experience anything positive, and it begins by accepting reality.

Unfamiliarity terrifies me and sometimes more than being alone. That's reality. My biggest fear isn't being alone. My biggest fear is unfamiliarity to such a dangerous degree that I'm willing to sabotage anything foreign from entering. If I only welcome what I already know, I'll just continue to perpetuate the cycle of darkness, though. So I can't beat the fear out of me, but I also can't wait until it escapes me. Ideally, I wouldn't be afraid. When's life ever ideal, though? Sometimes happiness comes knocking on your door, and it isn't often. I can either continue to ignore it or take a chance.

Sure there's a chance that a guy will run away. It's happened before, and it can happen again. But that's not a good enough of a reason for me to stay in the shadows. Eventually I'll find someone who's right for me but only after I actually come out from the shadows. He may now be in my past, but I should start practicing. It's not like I never had happy moments, I just never keep a record of it. Speaking of records....epiphany!