Friday, January 18, 2013

I Feel More Connected

Everything has energy and lately I've felt more connected to it than I have in a while except this time it's not debilitating as it has been in the past. There's the unbearable, intense connection, and then there's the subtler kind where I'm able to feel more simultaneously. I went to an audition yesterday and it was a great learning experience. I didn't prepare because it said it wasn't a speaking role, but they wanted me to portray an annoying, frustrated Office Manager. To convince the cast that I could play this role, I had to give a speech as an Office Manager improv. Even if I had practiced twenty minutes before the audition, I would've done much better.

When I left, I had an open schedule for several hours. I saw a store that peaked my interest, so I got off the bus only to realize that I left my shoes behind. When I'm receptive, my actions are conducive to what's best for me. Had I have not turned around at that exact moment, I would've been much further before I realized I forgot about my shoes. Lately it's been feeling like every experience is an emotional and energetic awareness enhancement program.

The store I was interested in was a metaphysical shop surrounded by crystals, Buddhist statues, spiritual books, and the sorts. The man behind the desk appropriately greeted me and while he was present, he seemed somewhere else. I felt like the crystals he's around all day must've had an impact on him. Have you ever seen someone who shakes their foot sometimes shakes his or her entire body? That's what his energy was like. I didn't see his body shake, but it's as if it was. By the time I left the store and wished him more grounding energy, he was calmer. It was a beautiful experience.

While I was waiting for the bus, I called in to see if I can get to work. Sometimes I work as an extra. I call a phone line judiciously as most attempts are left with busy signals. When my energy's determined and I'm focused, I usually get through. I've been distracting lately by a guy I'm interested in, but unfortunately as I hesitated, someone else captured his attention. These things happen. Sometimes I wish I'd see him, but what's the point of that? He's taken and therefore withdrawn around me now by creating boundaries. The only time he talks to me now is in passing or in group situations.

I've put a lot of effort into refocusing my energy and I had a chat with myself saying that I need work for myself. This has nothing to do with him. I have rent I have to pay. There are a minimum amount of days I must work to meet my rent. I strengthened and manifested my energy but hesitated to release the thoughts I deserve this! I was building up to it, though. I knew that I'd get the job as long as I got through the lines. Finally when I did express to myself that I deserve this, all of a sudden I got through! It made me realize that I have to advocate for my worth!

I also had an epiphany while I was trying to get through the lines. I was planning to stop by Sprint to have my phone inspected. I began to worry if I should go to the Sprint nearby or the one by my place because I wondered if it was wise to stop calling to have my phone checked. On the other hand, email's so important for another line of work I do. Then I realized that here I am creating scenarios that may or may not come to light in an unfavorable circumstance. I realized that once the call finally went through. It never crossed my mind that I'd get through so quickly and that concern would never have to be addressed. That's not an uncommon way of thinking for me. I have to make a change.

My inventory of thoughts and experience on this day may seem mundane and even unworthy of writing, but it expanded my life and I felt like recording it. Sometimes we achieve the greatest epiphanies during the simplest moments because that's when we're undistracted and receptive.

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