Monday, October 26, 2009

Purple is Mystical, "Day 85"

I went to Venice Beach yesterday. It was totally last minute and even beginning to feel like it wasn't the most practical course of action. My friend and I wanted to hit the beach, but we didn't leave until almost five pm! Plus, my face is still burned and chronically flaky dry. Not to mention that my legs still have that skin allergy rash, so I haven't shaved in weeks. Sorry to over share. But if I have to deal with the burden, so do you. Sharing is caring. :) My point is that I wasn't at all prepared for the beach. The traffic was awful, and getting there was a major hassle. We were originally going to hit up a spiritual bookstore. We even drove by it as we were trying to get to the beach. I suppose the logical course of action would've been to lounge at the bookstore, save gas instead of sit in traffic for a plan that won't work out because we can't stop the sun from setting. I considered the possibility of making such a suggestion, but something held me back. And I couldn't be happier!

As we were walking by, I came across a PURPLE HOUSE! And you know how I'm a fanatic of purple. I "asked" and by ask I mean politely demanded that my friend take a picture of me in front of it. I didn't put that much thought into what it was or anything. But I realized that it was someone's place as I appeared like I was going to barge in. I wasn't going to, though.

The guy was really cool and friendly. He introduced himself. He took a picture of my friend and me in the purple house. He's a really interesting person, and I'm glad to have met him. He showed us around and we had some bomb Mediterranean food. Later he treated us to tea, too. We had such a good time that we didn't leave until the next day!

We had a bunch of interesting conversations. He thought I was a gemini. He's a gemini, and I suppose I have some gemini qualities. We're both communicators, vocal, opinionated, and open, so it made for really intriguing conversations. It's refreshing and cool to have someone to talk to who isn't afraid to oppose me. I have friends like that, but it was just more productive with him.

I really appreciated his observation that he could tell I'm not the most open person, but it's obvious that I'm trying. It's a habit I've been practicing shortly, so it was really touching to see a stranger noticing that about me. It was cool because he said he liked hanging out with me since he felt he could learn from me.

It was also great for my friend, too, because she was guarded at first even though she didn't feel it. She's been working on trying to be less floaty and having someone to talk to about her own culture with really helped. I'm glad that she began openly up and talking with him more. It was an amazing experience for both of us.

Purple is mystical. :) And I might have found a place to wear my gorgeous Betsey Johnson dress! I also came home with great treats. I'm really beginning to realize that not everything has to be practical and logical. There's value and benefit in just trusting yourself and your intuition.

I'm a progress at work. I've spent most of my life trying to be someone and something I'm not: detached, cold, and absent of any feelings. You can only be someone you're not for so long. It's bullshit when people say that you can't be someone you're not. You totally can and sometimes it becomes you, whether you like it or not. Other times it'll only last for so long until you turn back into a pumpkin.

With that said, I developed certain traits my persona carried. I'm organized, strategic, calculating, high functional, operational, and I have the ability to be objective. It suffocated and was killing a side of me, a side I want nothing more than to possess: creativity. I'm a pisces. I was born left-handed. I should be and want to be creative, emotional, intuitive, and flowing of energy, not stagnant, restrictive, fearful, and emotionally-detached. I used to take pride in the qualities I've refined, but I'm starting to see the damage it's causing. So it's hard for me to appreciate it.

My new friend made me realize something, though. He said I want 20 points, instead of 10. On the one hand, I'm organized and intelligent. That brings me to 7 or 10 points. I shouldn't lose those points. I should hold onto them, while I develop my creativity on the other side. Most people only have 10 points. I can shoot for higher. It was important for me to hear that.

Another friend of mine and I are planning to take violin classes next semester. I'm really looking forward to that. I believe that'll help. I've been creatively stifled and it's harming me. But I truly believe that I'm moving towards the direction I'm meant to go. It all started last year as something in me was beginning to shift. I didn't know what it was. As these changes started to occur, I attracted people who could help me to transform into someone I'm meant to be but have been afraid of for so long.

There's one person who's changed my life. Sometimes I think about how long we've known each other, and it's crazy to think how much he's touched me. I used to have this rigid notion that someone who you haven't known for very long can't possibly affect you in that way. But he has. So I should get over the trip and accept it for what it is because it is what it is. That's a comforting advice from another friend who's also shared some wisdom that I know will change my life and has, to a degree, changed me.

I was told that I need more girls in my life because I need to have people in my life who I can relate to. Most of my friends are guys, and I've never clicked much with girls. One night I had a breakdown breakthrough, and he suggested that I follow through and explore the emotional process by talking to my roommate. I was told to tell her EVERYTHING! I was surprised that I did, and it was amazing!

I started to see value in his insights, so much so that it prompted me to make those changes. I asked a friend to "hook me up" with this one girl friend of his. When he first met her, he actually expressed that she did want to have girl friends. I wasn't against it, but I wasn't as open to it, wondering if I'd be able to click with her. My friend must've on some level sensed it because he never brought it up again until I did.

I just met the girl, but we click really well. We went to see the meteor shower, and she actually admitted to me that she felt this connection between us. That's real cool. It feels like my life is starting to fall into place. My breakdown breakthroughs have brought me closer to my goal: to open up and be emotionally-connected. I have these amazing friends who have come into my life to help me through this. I thank you all. Hope I can offer what you've all done for me.

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