Quite frankly, I got used to the comments. His stifling remarks have just become background noise for a month now. But the last time I saw him I was more susceptible to annoyance because I was medicated. I felt so weak that I couldn't even close a bottle. Forget about opening the thing. Ugh! He distinctly noticed me being weak. I was first my social, chatty self until I took my next dose. Even a friend who was visiting noticed that.
I wasn't able to help him the way I normally do, which was painfully obvious seeing how I could barely carry my own weight. I know it's not helpful when I'm not being productive. But it's not like I was deliberately being unhelpful because he was annoying me, which is apparently how he expressed it to someone else. That really bothered me because he usually gives me a ride home and articulated his concerns about me taking the bus home alone at night.
If the idea of taking the bus home alone at night is such a concern for you, why would you intentionally leave me behind because you interpreted my actions as directly correlated to my mood and interaction with you? I was really disappointed and hurt by that. Or I would've been if I wasn't so medicated. I thought the distance would be good for us, and I felt perfectly safe taking the bus home. So I did that.
I didn't realize how much this affected me. I'm usually getting 24/7 premonitions about this friend. It's sort of annoying. But since that night, my premonitions have suspended completely. Who knew he had that kind of affect on me? That's pretty powerful stuff. My meds have already altered it as it is. I actually started getting less premonitions of him, and as much as I ranted about how intrusive those visions of him were, I started to miss them. Yes, I have psychic co-dependency issues. Wow, just wow.
Ever since I started getting premonitions, all I kept saying was how much I hate them and how I wish they would go away. They aren't helpful. They just give me more reasons to be confused and burdened by, as if this emotionally-inept girl doesn't have enough of those challenges on her own without supernatural assistance. But since my powers got suspended, I feel like a part of me is missing. I mean, it's quieter and calmer up there, which is nice. But it doesn't feel like me. It's unnatural.
I felt like the way to resolve this is by making amends with my friend. But the stubbornness in me didn't want to do that because I do want an acupuncture session with him. I hate the idea of being so annoyed with him and being transparent about that. Then apologizing only after I realize how much this affects my powers. Also, by the way, can I also get a session with you? I feel like it's so self-serving to put aside my differences for a personal convenience factor. I hate that. Plus I'm not ready to accept that he up and ditched me because I upset him. Yeah, I think I'm overreacting, but I can't deny that this is how I feel.
UPDATE: We just missed each other. He waited for me but saw that I left. That was the only thing holding me back.