Tuesday, October 20, 2009

My Heart Bleeds for Her, Day 79

I finally met someone that I've really bonded with and care for and not in a romantic capacity. I found an unbiological sister. Most of my friends are guys. I don't really bond with girls or even know that many of them. My friends are my family, but I've always been so reserved. Some of my close friends know the private, intimate details of my life, but that's usually because they figured it out. She's the first person I truly opened up to and not in a narrative sort of way. She pretty much knows all of my darkest secrets. I have a sister.

So my heart bleeds for her, to see her go through this pain. But it's necessary. The cold, detached side of me and the tough love in me knows it's ultimately a good thing. The human side of me aches for her. There's nothing anyone can do to comfort her. In fact, that's the worst thing someone can do. I hate the idea that the best way to help her is to have her focus on exactly what hurts her.

How do I help someone who's in pain when that's exactly what they have to go through? I know this is the right thing, and so does she. But I hate that she has to go through this because I know what it's going to be like for her. I went through it; I am going through it. The pain will be unimaginable, spurious yet constant, and perpetuating. I can barely keep it together myself, and now I'm worried for her. I just hope I can be there for her even if I can't deal with my own pain.

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