Sunday, October 18, 2009

Life Happens, Day 77

For better or worse, life is what it is for me. It doesn't matter if I'm excitedly happy or suicidally depressed. Life happens. It never stops and will keep going until I die. But if you ask me, life continues and maybe even begins more after death. I'll leave that speculation there, though, because that's not here in the now.

Here in the now, I hate where I live because of the people who hold the power. I'm upset because a socially inept, mentally retarded foreigner who can barely communicate yields the power to determine where I lay my head at night. I shouldn't have to tell someone that this eviction notice with the reason I'm psychologically and emotionally troubled isn't legal because you're not qualified! I don't see a court approved psychiatrist validating this. School's not going well. Money's tighter than it should be. My allergies have taken over my life. My meds make me feel like I'm possessed by laziness that flirts with death. I wish things were different.

I feel all of these things, and they're valid. But these valid desires can only carry me for so long. After a certain point I just have to accept that life happens and will continue on even if I want it to stop or end. It won't. And my life is a roller coaster. I wish it weren't, but I'm where I'm at. All I can do is make the best of it. What are my choices? Be a part of it or die trying to escape it.

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