Monday, September 28, 2009

Why I've Been MIA, Day 59

I've been thinking about this title a lot lately but for an entry different entry that I keep replaying in my mind. I need to stop reserving things for possibilities that may never come to light. I've been MIA for a while, not because I've been super busy. I've actually just been unmotivated to write. I'm no longer worried about not having something interesting to say; I just don't have the desire for whatever reason.

Lately when I do blog, it feels like doom and gloom. I don't want that. But if that's how I feel, then I need to embrace that. I didn't create this blog to the approval of others. I did to expose myself. The only way I'm going to overcome my fear of openness is to overcome it. I'm tired of being just logical and one-dimensional. If I only put down words that are touching or positive, that's not real. Even if I have nothing extraordinary to say, I have to keep the practice going.

I thought it would be so difficult to maintain a blog. It's not. But it's even easier to not do that. I was so worried about what would happen if I didn't tend to it regularly and what a disappointment I'd feel I was. I don't feel that way. I can blog when I'm miserable. I can blog when things are going great. It's when things are mundane that I lose my motivation. There's always going to be a reason to slip away and drift off. I want to be floatless and let the wind take me but only when I'm willing and when I'm ready.

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