Friday, September 18, 2009

In My Absence, Day 51

Miss me? I wonder how many people even actually bother to read this blog. I was so afraid to blog before I was terrified that someone would drop by and leave a note about how terrible my writing is, etc. Now my focus isn't on that, and I'm so glad because by removing that fear, it's allowed me to be freer in what I write. There's something liberating about that.

When I have the time and desire to blog, I really enjoy it. Obviously I wouldn't enjoy it if I wasn't desiring it. But lately I haven't blogged not because I don't have the passion, I don't have the energy. There aren't enough hours in the day. What I have discovered is that when I don't blog (put my feelings down on writing), they circulate in my mind for longer. As more time passes and I gain more experiences, it allows my thoughts to develop and evolve more. But when I put it into words, I release them. I build on those feelings as my experiences change me, but the feelings I have aren't as abstract or lucid. The shapelessness that exists when they're just floating in my mind allows my thoughts to really develop because they aren't confined. I really like that my absence has brought me that.

It's like my friend told me once. "Break the habit." Even if you're doing something good or healthy for yourself, break the habit. Everyone interprets that differently. I see it as a way to not be stagnant and allow your energy to flow. It isn't about appreciating what you have by seeing the other side, which is a part of it. For me it's about diversity and having different experiences because life is too huge to be confined to one thing even if that one thing is good.

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