Sunday, September 20, 2009

Permanent Status: Single, Day "54"

I'm genetically a girl, but most of my friends are guys and I relate better to guys. They call me James for short. They consider me to be one of the guys. I'm not a tomboy. I like skirts and call summer skirt season. I wear cute clothes and love decorating with the color purple. But it feels like the core of who I am is more feMALE.

It makes dating and getting a boyfriend difficult. I've been told by an ex that I get platonic quick. Another ex said that he can see why people see me as one of the guys. I'm not a funny person, and I don't get humor. I rarely find things to be funny. -____- My ex told me that I have to move on to laughing at a guy's jokes even if they aren't funny if I ever expect to succeed in dating. Moments later he re-considered this suggestion because he knows I have an outrageously fake and insulting laugh. Then he threatened me and said that if I don't learn to find things funny, my only choices will be Japanese guys because humor is a universal language and a high priority in every culture except the Japanese. I don't like limiting my choices. Obviously I'm sure there are others like me, but I really am humor-challenged. It's rather peculiar.

I'm convinced that there's this energy around me that makes guys withdrawal from me. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it is the getting platonic quickly factor. I'm not sure. Having so many guy friends around probably doesn't help, either. Plus I suck at the whole flirting thing and picking up on it. My friend said that I need to be more quick witted, notice the signs, respond to the signs, and learn about humor fast! Ahhhhhh!!!!!

Am I looking for a boyfriend right now? No, but I don't like the idea that I'm perceived as "undate-able". I'm usually either one of the guys, not his type, crazy, platonic, just friends, not the one, possible fuck partner, relationship without the label, one of the multiple girls, willing to sleep around but nothing more, etc. It's ironic because I've only slept with guys I've been with. Yet I'm either drastically perceived as male or potential slut. I don't know where the good guys are. It feels selfish and wrong to want to appear date-able if I'm not interested in it, but I think it'd be good for my self-esteem. I like having choices and knowing that guys can be interested in me, the girl, not the "guy."

My friend started telling me about the "rules" of hooking a man. It was late, and another friend was surprised that I learned so much at 5 am! Actually the truth is I learned that I have a lot to work on, which isn't to say that there isn't anything wrong with me and who I am. This friend felt uncomfortable sharing this with me because he said that he thinks I'm cool and doesn't like treating me like a project. Project me, damn it! Show me how it's done!

His inquiries: How do you style your hair? What perfume do you wear? What kind of makeup do you wear? Do you paint your toenails? What's your wardrobe? How do you accessorize? Ummmmm......does not apply. -____- Plus I'm humor challenged. I'm not quick-witted with the flirts. I don't pick up on when a guy likes me. Gah! Am I helpless or what?

No comments:

Post a Comment