Friday, March 9, 2012

The Practice of Being Receptive

Isn't it amazing how a mere observation can transform into a series of interconnectedness or a spiraling effect of ideas? I can't even remember what triggered this an abstract epiphany for me last night,but I became incredibly perceptive to the energy around me. With the full moon, my senses are heightened or at least I believe that's what it was.

Interestly enough, I've always been mildly curious about how the moon cycle effects people. I've wanted to buy a planner that monitors the moon phases for a couple years already, but I never got around to it. A friend of mine is really attuned with the full moon. Since I've become more emotional and intuitive, I find myself having more intense experiences on some days. I've never monitored it in conjunction the moon, but I wouldn't be surprised if a correlation exists. I think I'll start recording my emotional state of mind without observing the moon. Then I'll go back and check how they align. I had an ex who observed that my leg cramps were always worse during the full moon.

As I was taking in the energy around me, I began realizing how quickly things change. If I'm going to be receptive to myself and the universe, it's not alway wise to adhere to a rigid schedule cuz things change constantly. It's okay to not pursue something planned if it no longer suits me for whatever reason. I don't think that mentality should be abused as a way to avoid responsibility, but if it's small leisurely stuff, that's different. I was so close to going to a book swapping party last night. I mean I was minutes away when I just lost the desire to go. I was experiencing a pang of inner conflict. The old me wanted to continue going cuz I gathered all the books I wanted to swap and it would've been such a wasted trip. But I really wasn't feeling it. The last thing I wanted to do was force myself into be social when the idea of following through with this overwhelmed me so much, it was almost paralyzing. So I went home and I have no regrets. It actually felt liberating.

The truth is that I spend more time fulfilling tasks simply cuz I wrote them down on my to-do list, rather than paying attention to what I really want. I've gotten used to and even numb to that grueling feeling that it's become another regularly occurring feeling. My perception has become distorted. By not realizing that this feeling is a negative one, I proceed with my plans. All the while failing to see the truth. And I'm finally beginning to open my eyes.

This may not seem like a big deal, but for me it's huge! I still continue to fill my journal with to-do lists. But since I'm beginning to realize the value of just going with the flow, I imagine I'll save a lot more paper and focus on the things that really matter. Plus I won't be overwhelmed with a feeling of guilt and inadequacy for not finishing everything on my list. I won't hesitate in writing down what I'm interested in cuz I might change my mind and I want to avoid the feeling of guilt. Then end up kicking myself cuz I totally forgot that's what I wanted to do when I was in the neighborhood and stuff like that. RIGHT NOW I'm thinking it'd be nice to go to the mall. Two hours later, I may change my mind. I'm staying open. :)

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