Friday, March 23, 2012

Envision my Desire

Good morning! I feel much more lively today than I have the past couple of days. It's amazing when I pay attention how much my mood fluctuates because I don't usually inventory them. I'm good at compartamentalizing my feelings and am able to go about my day even if I'm not doing too well. I never really gave my feelings much attention until they start to take over and it becomes unbearable.

I've been enjoying this awawareness practice. I can't imagine doing it daily on a long-term basis, but I like this experience. It shows me how much I'm concealing from myself about me! It really opens up your eyes.

I feel more present in this moment. I'm becoming more receptive to change and comfortable with the idea that things are beyond my control. But I still experience moments of tension especially since as I become more open to it, I feel like changes occur more significantly even in its micro moments. I really want to keep this job. Not only cuz it's convenient and easy but because I finally feel like I can turn it into a productive opportunity. Everything feels like it could fall into place in a natural way I've never experienced before.

There aren't any discordants or inconsistencies I've often been exposed to in the past where I live further away from everything, the bus is being blocked off, my desire to go to work is severely severed, etc. It's easy to get to work. I began attending a yoga class nearby. Grocery shopping isn't out of the way. And I'm in a location that's convenient and conducive to my life and self-growth.

I felt like my job security has been bordering on the edge, but maybe it's not as compromised I fear i is. Either way, I still have my balance and placement. I feel like I'm at the mercy of other candidates, although I haven't been jeopardized much. This morning, however, a woman came in and she was professional, confident, articulate, likeable, and she didn't give off this feeling that appearing professional is a foreign practice. I suspected that her salary requirements may eliminate her as a candidate, and I'm hoping for myself that that's true. A co-worker of mine overheard the exact same thing I suspected. That puts me at ease not just cuz I feel better about my position but since I'm discovering that I can trust my intuition.

I'm going to do more than just say that I want to keep this job. I'm conscientiously telling myself that and matching my energy to reflect this desire. It enhances my alertness. I'll continue to do my job and I always try to be attentive, but I'm now also energetically matching that too cuz you can do something while your energy is being focused on something else. That's when you just go through the motions, and I feel like I might've been doing that here. That's not fair. I need to be more present. I'm much more on top of things, too. :)

There's an air of uncertainty I sense probably cuz the answer hasn't been revealed yet, but I feel like I'm at an advantage. I just have to continue to maintain this ground and deepen my position in this seat. :) I ask for the support and assistance from the universe to help me channel what I know I can do. Thank you!

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