Toxic Parents

We'll try this again cuz I wrote a couple of good paragraphs but the page blanked out. WTF???? LOL

It began a little something like this... Happy Valentine's day! I know, I know my title sounds inappropriate for Valentine's day. But let's be honest - life is hardly appropriate! Besides this blog is my sanctuary where I get to express my thoughts. I refuse to re-organize my feelings differently based on a Holiday I had no part in inventing. (This introductory paragraph is fairly accurate to my first one with the exception of this sentence).

I don't loathe Valentine's day despite the fact that I'm usually single this time of year or most of the time in general. Maybe I'm just too self-involved to notice the flashing tacky pink and red decor. I'm not saying that I don't feel alone, lonely, or inadequate as a result of my relationship status sometimes. But that's unrelated to V-day. I have off days, but they're rooted from internal issues. Not some external Holiday I barely even notice. Today began sweetly and I gained more insights as time progressed.

This morning I got a phone call from a friend of mine who wished me Happy Valentine's day. It was sweet. No one's ever done that for me before. Granted he was part zombie, it's the gesture that counts. Actually the fact that he was half asleep makes it almost sweeter cuz he certainly didn't have to wake up early to wish me Happy Valentine's day.

I also came across this fb status my friend posted: "Happy Valentine's Day! Nothing is better than the feeling of love. Although I'm single and all that jazz, I see this a sa nice time to reflect on all the other love in my life; you know, the non romantic kind. Spiritual, aesthetic, natural, family, friendly, and self love." What a beautiful thing to read first thing in the morning. It creates a positive perspective to carry throughout the day.

Another friend of mine posted a reminder that love should be celebrated all year long year. Today is just another day. Happy Tuesday!" When I read statuses like these, I'm grateful for the friends and people who have entered my life. What a beautiful truth to express and remind us all of.

I believe love should be celelebrated all year long, but that doesn't mean we do. So I do like the idea of a Holiday that gives attention to love where we can reflect on it. It gives us perspective. But with that said, the exclusivity of the Holiday can be hurtful to some. I bet companies that are looking to profit might actually find it to be more lucrative if they expanded the concept of love but whatever. Self-love and appreciation for all forms of love in our surrounding shouldn't be outsourced from an American company anyways.

On the bus I heard a woman on the phone talking about the relationship she has with her mom. I could relate aside from Jesus Christ, but I digress. She said that her mom always puts her down and makes her feel bad. She said she still cares and loves her mom but refuses to put herself in a hurtful situation over and over again cuz it's not fair to herself. People think it's so fucked up to isolate ourselves from our family cuz we shared the same blood, but we quickly and confidently eliminate haters from our lives when they aren't relatives. Pain and hurtfulness doesn't discriminate.

You know what that conversation left me feeling? Self-love is most important. The caller said her experience with her mother has taught her to not place her love in a man or any other human but in God cuz everyone else will hurt her; they don't mean to but it happens. I believe in a Higher being, but I think it's best to place love in ourselves cuz God is still an external source. How many people have you seen abandon the idea of God when things got difficult? Whether you believe in God or not, you can continue with your life and quite possibly fairly uninterrupted. But it's different cuz we can't escape ourselves. I'm not saying that God is any less important; I just think self-empowerment should be practiced is all.