Wednesday, February 15, 2012

5 Days a Week Entry

I want to develop the practice of writing daily, or at least that's how I feel right now. I feel like by connecting with who I am, I've exchanged my discipline and focus in the process. Maybe it was borrowed qualities I needed to let go of if I'm to establish my own identity. I certainly can't be myself if I'm hanging onto things that aren't my own. But the sacrifice is making it difficult for me to make something of myself. So writing five times a day will help me develop discipline.

The key to discipline is finding something I'm willing to do regularly. Once I develop the habit, I can incorporate it into less enjoyable tasks, but it has to begin with something I'm interested in. If I find that my writing suffers, I won't continue it tirelessly. It has to be conducive, but I have to experiment with it to see if it is.

But with everything, there's a catch. At work I can write five days a week. Although I worry my job is at risk because I sent documents to the wrong location, which in my defense was probably not my fault. The office manager was sick that day, and I really believe she requested me to send it to the wrong location. However there are two errors that I'm single-handedly accountable for. I forgot two parking ticket validations cover the full day and gave away an outrageous amount of money, which I now know after having to purchase them cost the company quite a bit of money. I also was informed this morning that I deposited a check that came to our suite but not for the actual company I work for (a contractor's check) into our account. I'm sure that's going to cause billing errors I couldn't possibly be familiar with. I actually also recall forgetting to let accounts receivable know we had no checks deposited. That negligence may be a minor problem. I'm not making a lot of mistakes, but the consequences that carry out with it are probably quite a hassle.

I feel paranoid and I believe if I do my job well that I'll be able to keep this job. But it also wouldn't be a surprise if they choose to let me go. I hope that isn't the case, but only time will tell. I can't reverse time. I certainly shouldn't act like these mistakes are no big deal, but unfortunately I can't do anything else about it. I find that every time I make a mistake and am hard on myself, it becomes a domino effect. Not long ago I read a statistic that chronic stressors experience up to 40% of short term memory loss. When I'm not so critical, these results don't occur. Maybe these continued errors are a result of me subconsciously giving myself a hard time. I'm not sure. My point is if I get fired, I doubt I'll have the discipline to write everyday even though it's probably possible. But please let's all stay optimistic and send me positive energy.

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