Friday, August 12, 2011

Do What's Best for Me

I've recently began focusing and channeling my abilities to manifest my desires but rather than it being a catch all of bullshit, I've learned to be selective in what I attract. There are still some kinks to work out, but I'm beginning to make progress and am rather proud of myself. I'm seeking a job in an office-support position as front desk, Receptionist, Clerical Assistant, Clerk Typist, or Administrative Assistant position.

I'm tired of struggling with how I feel. I want a job that pays more than minimum wage because it's more than the low salary but what the low salary symbolizes. I have to have a job that shows me that I'm viewed as more capable than what I could've obtained as an adolescent. Knowing my worth is something I've neglected for so long, and it's had a toxic effect on my self-esteem. I'm not proud that I'm surviving off of unemployment but I can afford to have higher standards, so I'm going to take advantage of this opportunity I never had before.

A friend referred me to a job that I wanted to obtain initially. The pay is great and competitive enough that other companies may not offer me such a generous salary. But I want to guard against those thoughts because I don't want my thoughts to create a reality that supports them. With that said, I had to address it so that I may refute it. Even as a part-time worker, I obtain immediate benefits (vision and medical). That's great!

I got my foot in the door because of the influence my friend carries, but the interview was a success because of how I demonstrated myself. My experience. The answers I provided. I've never been so loved before. After the interview, my friend reminded me to send them a thank you. I snapped with a "Thanks for asking if my interview went well!" He textes me back "went well" I had to ask him if he was telling me or asking me. He says "telling you." Yayayayayayay! I had to email them a copy of my resume and before I could even get to a computer, both interviewers called to remind me and to let me know of a 20 minute phone interview coming up.

There was a weird intermission there. I received a voicemail regarding the phone interview and to please call back the recited phone number. That line requested I call another number which sounded like an entertainment line, so I hung up. I hope I don't get charged for that! So I wasn't able to conduct a phone interview until the following day. I was given the incorrect standardized time. I wonder if that was a sign... Anyways the next time the same person called but requested I call back an entirely different phone number. A phone interview was scheduled and before that phone call even came through, one of the interviewer's called me to check on my status.

Wow! Could I have really been that great or are they that desperate? Is there a difference? Does it really matter?

Well unsurprisingly I got the job! Well I have to pass the background and urine test but once that's complete and I should pass that without a problem, I'm hired! My first day is near the end of the month which gives me enough time to seek other choices. I was under the impression I would be working 25 hours a week, but the offer was for 20 hours a week.

After making some calculations, I discovered that 20 hours a week is infeasible. I'll make less than what unemployment offers me. While part-time workers are eligible for unemployment, the compensation will be so sparse that it's unrealistic to support myself. I'm barely eating as it is! I can't afford to eat less than one meal a day! My EBT has already been reduced to $14 a month.

I won't even be able to get food from food banks because of what the schedule would be like. It's far from where I live, and it doesn't pay me well enough. Because of the commute time, I won't be able to obtain a second job. Nor will I be able to go to a food bank to keep myself nourished. I've already accepted jobs that stretched me out too thinly, and my health gets severely jeopardized. I can't and shouldn't do that again all because I'm worried about ruining my friend's reputation within the company.

I don't want this to reflect badly on him but to not get paid enough and to travel the distance as hunger takes over my life is something I refuse to go through again. I'm proceeding with this acceptance, but I have a short window period to obtain a position much closer to where I live with a more realistic salary.

I really want to work part-time and stay afloat, so I can focus on my goals. But in order to do that, my salary has to reach certain requirements. Even if it doesn't and I really don't want that possibility I'm acknowledging to expand into reality, it's acceptable if it's closeby. I'll be able to go to local food banks to support myself. And if I work part-time nearby and I don't make enough money, I'm also eligible for unemployment and a higher EBT compensation.

With this other job, I make just enough to not qualify for necessary services to stay afloat and not enough to make it on my own. My fear is that if I decline this offer, what if another one doesn't come by again? That's the kind of negative thought I have to squash! I have an opportunity to be scrupulous. I shouldn't let my fears influence me into making the same decisions I've always made which has kept me from making progress in my life.

What an enlightening and cathartic process blogging is. I knew all of this, but all the excess cluttered thoughts made it difficult for the important reasons to speak. Now I get it. I have an interview on Monday closer to where I live. I was told details of the location will be emailed to me, but I've yet to receive it. I'm starting to worry if it's because they didn't notice my middle initial in my email address, an unfortunate common mistake. Well for now I should just focus on sending positive energy. There's still time for them to send me the detail. And I have until Monday. Wish me luck everyone!

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