As my day unfolded I was "writing" the introduction to this blog in my mind and it went something like this. I feel less than human. Humans have feelings, desires, ambitions, goals, standards, self-worth. I have these things, but I'm not living my day as if I do. So I'm being treated as such. When desperation strikes and I grab at the first opportunity that comes my way, standards be damned, I'm going to be reciprocated with that same energy! It's the balance of the universe.
I've been making money here and there by being in experiments, but I keep being rescheduled. The tests are a minimum of three sessions. Once I'm in, I'm in. But until then, they can easily discard me. So when I'm asked if I can be rescheduled because they can't see me, I'm not in a position to decline such an offer unless I want to risk being dismissed from the experiment completely. So I agree to be rescheduled for later on that day which throws my schedule for other experiments I have the same day, as well as my social life which I might as well say goodbye to.
It's been raining like crazy. It's been so intense I feel like the rain can beat me to the ground. I walk to the corner of my block and my feet are completely drenched. I can't avoid the puddles unless I jump over them and risk spraining my ankle, which I've already done by the way. I've already almost gotten sick twice.
-SO MUCH TIME HAS PASSED SINCE I'VE HAD THIS EXPERIENCE THAT I'M NOT GOING TO CONTINUE WRITING ABOUT IT.