My New Loves, Day 254

Timing is a truly magical experience that defines so much of our future. It's a powerful source that can either have this amazing life impact or feel like one of the most damaging tools the universe utilizes to brutalize us depending on how it affects us and how we choose to perceive it as. Last year I chose to work somewhere else than where I am now. After being in financial ruins, damaging my beautiful high credit rating, and resorting to a lifestyle that young adults have, I developed friendships I wouldn't trade for the world. Sometimes I feel like they don't feel the same and it hurts me, but above all else, I appreciate having known them and the way they changed me.

Everything happens for a reason. I may not understand why. I may be unhappy with the circumstance. But sometimes things happen and it makes me unbelievably grateful for all that's happened. Where I work now is far from stable, secure, or gratifying. I'm constantly on eggshells about my employment and on edge about haters who target me. But I love the people I met at work.

Even the trainers have observed what a close bond we had and they've conducted many training programs over the years. My friend once described us as his new luvs and I couldn't agree more. We've become this work family. You know when you meet people and it's just so natural to care and look out for them as though they've always been a part of you? That's how it is, and I love how receptive everyone is to this reality because I don't feel alone or awkward by over-caring in proportion to how briefly we've known each other.

One friend posted on facebook: "I really have to say that our training class was filled with all kinds of special people and we all made some type of impact on each other's lives in a good way, too. I did not walk out of that class not liking anyone and I am truly blessed to have met every one of you all! The friendships that I have made I am definitely going to keep! You can only find people like this once in a lifetime!" When we were talking she elaborated that we developed a unique and meaningful relationship with each person and we've made a positive impact on each other's lives. It's so true and amazing!

We talk about it all the time, and it's nothing my words can ever carry over which is both sad and appreciated because it's not the kind of experience that second hand reading should ever emulate. It's too meaningful for anyone to feel through words. That'll just cheapen the experience for those of us who are a part of it. It's too powerful for words to contain. On the other hand, it's sad because so many people go through life not meeting people like this. It's very much a bittersweet circumstance, and I feel so honored to be a part of it.

There are a few people who stand out to me more than others and you guys know who you are. I don't have to describe each and every single one of you guys to know that I love you. Ever since my friend wrote you guys are my new luvs I've been wanting to dedicate an entry to my work family, but I never got around to it until now. I'm really happy with the timing, too, because although as I've already stated it's a bond I can never quite share so to speak, I'm more connected to what I'm writing now than last month because relationships have grown and bonds have deepened.

I wrote this extensive email out describing why I began this blog and how I selectively chose people to share this blog with. It was detailed and I feel like I gave a part of myself by expressing what I did, but I mass emailed everyone. It, by no means, makes it any less personal, though. I met some new people in my life who I knew I wanted to share my blog with. One friend, in particular, seemed so genuinely interested and passionate in the idea of my blog. It really touched me, but I've hesitated in sharing this blog because I'm not as proud of my recent entries as I'd like to be.

After a couple months of promising to share this blog with him and him patiently waiting, he emailed me about it. I apologized for the delay and made both myself and him a promise that within two paychecks I'll share this blog with him. That would give me enough time to add some new entries and if I don't, I'll still move forward in sharing this blog. As much as I try to make this blog a place for me to express myself, explore the emotional aspects of me I've sheltered myself from, and a way for me discover and define myself, it's still a bit of a performance, too. That's an undeniable reality that drives me as a writer to better myself, to push myself, but it can also be a dangerous incentive for my emotional growth. I want to be proud of my writing and I want to write in a way that impresses people. However I shouldn't let those insecurities keep me from sharing this blog especially to people I knew almost instantly that I wanted to share these with.

One of my favorite emails I've ever gotten:

Sounds like a case of writers block… Just take your time with it, never force an entry. Be inspired when you write, I know that your gifted with the talent to write (I could just tell by your speech and your emails), so no need to press any harder than what your talent allows… Sometimes you need to fall back, absorb, and relax. But please, don’t feel obligated… I JUST WANT TO SEE WHAT YOUR MADE OF ;-)

How awesome is that? Now is it any wonder why we're all so close? And the purple's international. He indicated so. If I had written about my new loves earlier, how much they mean to me would've still been evident. But with every action there's a consequence. I'm really loving that. I wish they all know how much I love them!