Monday, July 16, 2012

I Can'ts and I Need to's

Are you familiar with the Laws of Attraction? They say that the first and last word used in a sentence is where the energy will travel, regardless of desire cuz the universe will respond to the energy being channeled at that moment. So if you say "I don't want it to rain." The universe will interpret that as "I" (me, the person in desire) and "rain" (as the source of desire). So I'm communicating that I want it to rain when in fact what I truly want is for it to be sunny. What I should really state is "I want it to be sunny." Plus using positive statements, instead of negatives like "don't."

It makes sense, and I certainly want my desire to be effectively communicated so that I may attain it. But in all honestly I resisted cuz I didn't want the responsibility of having to be conscientious of my speech. It wasn't just that, though. I didn't want to feel like a failure for not succeeding. I haven't even tried it and already I was anticipating it! Talk about self-sabotage... The truth is I'm not going to get this right my first time, but that shouldn't be a reason to not try. Furthermore, not taking responsibility is such an adolescent mentality. It'll take effort and at times can be frustrating, but it's necessary for improvement and self-growth.

So I've decided to give it a try. It's interesting how seeing the damage we cause really encourages us to better ourselves. Sometimes we need that incentive. One day I aspire to be someone who wants to better herself without those motivations, but at the moment I'm going to value the lessons my friends have enforced in me.

I have a friend who's surrounded by vegetarians and vegans, so she expressed how relieved she was that I eat meat cuz her other friends make her feel bad. I don't support that. I fully acknowledge that as a meat eater, I'm indirectly supporting the death of animals and that's not what I want. However I make that decision anyway and it's a personal choice. I don't think others have a right to judge me and insinuate that I'm a terrible person. That's not fair. You may not agree with my decision, but I take full responsibility for it.

I noticed my friend's pattern of absolving responsbility and personal strength. She said that she acknowledged her desire to eat meat cuz she ate it as a child and has a taste for it. I don't like the idea that we're imprisoned to our past. And I don't believe it. There are some things that are more difficult to escape and realistically some things are inescapable because a past is a part of us. But something like this is different. We have the ability to re-wire ourselves, and I know it cuz I'm one of them.

I have imbalanced hormones and have a huge appetite for meat. It was revealed that my body metabolizes meat too quickly, so my body is in a state of malnourishment. I used to have protein shakes that released protein into the body slowly. I've also recently discovered that I'm a O Blood Type. O bloods have a dietary staple of meats and vegetables cuz it's been predicted that O's were the first people, so at that time our diets were rich in meat and vegetables. Grains and dairy were introduced later. That means that I have a predisposition for a meat based diet, and I won't ignore it. But that doesn't mean I'm eternally attached and unable to ever escape a meat diet ever. That's how my friend sounds when she talks, and I was surprised by how much it frustrated me.

She also says stuff like she needs to smoke and drink, which isn't true. No, she's not an addict. I'm not concerned about that. She's weak is what she is. She uses necessity as a crutch, so she doesn't have to develop discipline. I believe we all succumb to this kind of thinking at some point in our lives, and I'm certainly guilty of it.

I may sound callous to talk negatively about my friend, but I believe she's earned it. I'm not saying positive things about her,which is sad cuz she's my friend, but I'm only recording the truth. If anything, I want her behavior to serve as a reminder for me to work on myself. By seeing me grow as a person, maybe one day she'll decide to do the same. I'd much rather praise her than talk bad about her, but I want to acknowledge these unfavorable qualities on my blog rather than let it boil inside of me cuz I find that when I write about my annoyances and frustrations, I give them enough attention to give them a chance to transform. I'm not saying these things to be cruel or satisfy some inner gossip girl. I just can't keep them inside of me. I have to release it somehow, and I'd much rather do it on here than somewhere else. Really I should thank her cuz she's inspried me to better myself. I hope I don't come off pretentious cuz that's certainly not my goal. But I believe I got what I needed from this experience. A safe place to express my frustrations, perspective, insight, and desire. Thanks!

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