Thursday, February 18, 2010

Going Back to my Roots, Day 33-49

I feel like all I've been doing is neglecting this blog and when I finally make the time to blog, it's to report that I've been neglecting it and that much is obvious. It's time to get back to my roots. I've been neglecting a lot of aspects of myself. They're small things that have huge impacts. Even something as seemingly small as showering in the morning instead of at night is seriously messing with my schedule. I used to wake up at 7 am like clockwork. I did that last night and boom! Just like the good old days! That little thing threw off my intellectual capacity, find insight in mundane experiences worth writing about, my self-sufficient habits, etc.

Why is it that when my schedule is open that I find the time for priorities, but when I don't have other responsibilities, I can't seem to do anything? I can't go to school because I don't work. I don't work, so I can't go to school. I have debt up the ass because I don't work, although that's progressively working towards an improvement. I avoided my furniture going to auction because I couldn't pay it off.

I suppose I'm lucky to even be getting temp jobs, but they're hardly stable. I'm at a point in my life where my situation allows me to sustain my current lifestyle, but I can't move forward the way things are. I want to move out of where I am. I want a stable job. Once my debt clears, my only expenses will be rent and storage mostly. I go to food banks for food, and that's more than sufficient.

I've stopped desiring indulgences like movies and going out. I've gotten to a point in my life where I've gotten used to this stump, and I don't like it! Pout! I feel too lazy to want indulgences, and while they are "indulgences" they're a lot more justified than you would think. Lots of girls want accessories and clothes. It's not always necessary, but I don't have a purse AT ALL except one that doesn't fit anything and is held together by both string and wire. It's a liability to walk around with just my wallet because I tend to forget it at places. I think I deserve a new purse. Thank God the weather's hot again! I have clothes for it. When it was raining, I couldn't properly protect myself. Now it's skirt season! That's something I'm happy about it.

I have to reunite with the old me! I want to want desires. I want my edge back! I miss the ruthless writer in me. I'm making baby steps back into my life. But I haven't even taken the time to proofread this. My actions and choices led me to where I am today. It isn't fortunate in many conventional ways, but it's provided me with an opportunity I would've never had. And I plan to pursue it! It's time to turn poison into medicine!

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