Saturday, December 3, 2011

Dear God, Goddess, Creator, Lord, Allah, Universe, I Speak to YOU

I imagine you’re beyond words and description anyways. Please look into my heart and help me put the puzzle pieces together. I’m lost, you see. I don’t know what to do with my life or where to go. Paradox of choice, I suppose. I’ve been floating around for quite some time, and I’m growing unmotivated and discouraged as time passes. I feel burdened and weighed down by an abyss of nothingness, and it’s exhausting.

I believe there are signs everywhere, but not every sign is good. So showing me signs isn’t necessarily helpful. Even exposing me to them if I’m unable to recognize them is equally ineffective. I’m intelligent, observant, and aware. But somehow I keep missing them for whatever reason. So please assist me in both showing me the way, as well as making me recognize them. The useful signs.

I’m asking for this assistance because I want to live a life with purpose where I’m fulfilled professionally. Of course, I have other desires. But right now I need to obtain employment with purpose. I’m sick of landing bullshit jobs that eventually slip away either due to incompatibility I know the universe is partially responsible for sabotaging to make me available to uncover or create what’s best for me.

I can do bartending. I can do crap retail jobs. I can go to school. I can travel. But I want to know which one is best for me. Part of that is defined by how receptive I am to it and making the best out of it, but I know there’s something deeper I’m meant to do than what I’m doing now. I need your help.

I really, really feel like school isn’t the path for me. Maybe it’s my belief that’s manifesting that reality. And without it, it could totally be my light. But I have to follow my intuition. You know when you’re exposed to something negative and you find yourself overwhelmed by it? Well I think of school and it feels like a heavy, torturous waste of time. I don’t have the discipline or desire to be there.

Duh, we all have to do things we don’t want to do. But it’s more than that. This isn’t a childish mentality. This is something deeper inside of me projecting this. Besides if I try to fight it as I’ve always done my entire life, I’ll never move forward. I don’t want to waste any more time in a classroom when it doesn’t work for me.

I feel isolated and out of place from either world. I’m smart but not enough to hang in the real world, being hurled into a job without the training. I’m not able to pick it up on the fly. I’m deceptive like that. I give the impression and appearance that I can, but it hasn’t worked. I’m not saying this to be negative but to be realistic and honest. In a classroom, I’m unmotivated, unexcited, and it actually kills my spark of interest. It does more damage than good. I don’t enjoy bitching about this. I wish I could just make it work in either, choices. But I just know there’s something else I’m missing. Please help me figure that out.

We all have natural talents. And when we find a career harnessing that, we’re happiest. Writing is my natural talent. So something with writing. I love the idea of something altruistic. I need a job that’s going to allow ideas to grow and manifest, but they can’t just be voiced ideas. They’ll have to come to life. I need money! I can’t live off of minimum wage. But without an educational background or proper work experience, anything that barely relates to what I might be interested in which is a desperate perception as it is, leaves little room for proper compensation. PLEASE HELP ME!!!

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