I was recently fired from a Fortune 500 company job with a lot of perks, my co-workers were a pleasure to be around, I lost a friend, and was threatened a restraining order as an attempt to keep me away from select places I enjoy (not because I was actually stalking someone). Yet all of these changes have left me feeling relieved, hopeful, receptive to the opportunities that are now open to me, and provided me with the peace of mind, clarity, and emotional balance or rightness so to speak that was lacking in the previous circumstance. When your intuition whispers to you that you belong somewhere else, explore the possibility. I found myself rationalizing my benefit of where I was as if I needed the reassurance. Every time I encounter this, some form of sabotage separates me from the path I'm on.
If I'm to break this destructive cycle, I have to create an unknown, unexplored path for a different outcome. Today I auditioned to be an extra and was told that I'm to call back tomorrow to see if I get the part. The woman said I have her vote. I won't know what'll come of it, and this isn't my dream career. But I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone and finally testing boundaries I've always been drawn to. This is a huge step.
I was asked by a good friend to do my astrological chart and I discovered that right now there's something in the stars that's making me particularly emotional, withdrawn, and depressed. I definitely sense it. Instead of embracing my emotional intensity, I've been trying to suppress it, ignore it, and choke through it as I go about my day. Not really knowing what's going on. Now that I do, my awareness is keeping me centered. I feel what's around me and as a result, I'm detaching myself so I can keep my ground. Knowledge is power.
The audition was for a part that's emotionally empowering and raw, so my state of mind was an asset. It's made me realize that we aren't always where we want to be in life, in our careers, with our friends, our relationships, our financial situations, physical health, or emotional well-being. But we are where we are. We can't force change. If we want something to be different, we have to work towards it. That takes time. The transition can be frustrating. We can help ourselves along the way by involving ourselves into a craft that matches where we are at the moment, making our curent situation a value.
Before this perspective I felt like I should be walking around with a public warning for my emotionally-fragile state. But I'm no longer a public warning. :)