Friday, January 14, 2011

So Many Unfinished Entries Reflecting My Life

In the past which is so not a part of my present so maybe I shouldn't be even feeding it any energy by addressing it now, but if I'm thinking all this, then it's on my mind. Better to release the thoughts here than let those thoughts knock around with every other thing I cram into my over crowded mind. Back to the original sentence: In the past I've been successful at beginning an entry, going in depth, and completing my thoughts. Now it seems that I begin an entry only for it to go unposted because it's unfinished. I wonder how symbolic it is of my life right now. I feel like I start something and am unable to complete it and go on to something else. It's bothering me but that's what I'm drawn to do. I feel like I'm unemployed and should take advantage of this time to find myself, so I've been panicky cuz I want to try all these different things with unfinished tasks at hand. But maybe that's what I need, to explore. So I'm going to paint my place by myself even though I'm convinced it'll be a disaster because every attempt to get assistance seems to fall through. Maybe I'll do a good job. And if I don't, I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned. My property manager also gave me permission to start my own container garden collection, which I'm excited about. And I'm hoping a friend will let me borrow his violin so I can practice. I also began practicing dowsing. Probably the most exciting thing for me right now is that I'm planning to start my own writing group because people are unbelievably discriminating. They post ads for a writing group only to put me through preliminary interview processes, writing samples, pick at what I read only to reject me for reasons including I don't have a doctrate or a Master's. Really? Who are you to look down on me cowardly through email? I suppose such constraints and bigotry can serve a function for that kind of group. But frankly considering the stifling impression I got, I'm not interested in such groups or the energy I suspect they possess. So I decided to create my own group.

*The beginning of this entry addresses that I've been starting projects and am unable to complete them. Well some time has passed but I've been going through my unposted entries and I'm going to post this as it has been written, incomplete and true to its feelings when I first wrote it.

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