Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Lonely Thanksgiving? Or an Independent and New Tradition?

Thanksgiving always reminds me of my past and relationships. I was with a guy for over five years and Thanksgiving was a huge deal for us because it was the first Holiday we could afford. I was never very close with my family and being Asian, Thanksgiving was never a celebrated Holiday so I was really excited when I made Asian friends who were excited about celebrating it because they've either never had turkey or never get to enjoy it. It was a lot of fun for me. But ever since that relationship has ended, a myriad of reasons have prevented me from celebrating it the way I used to.

Even after we broke up, two years later, we still celebrated together with our friends. He doesn't want to have to do with me anymore ever since he realized that he was still in love with me and it was difficult to have a relationship with someone he really liked. Or so that's what a mutual friend revealed. I can't really be sure. I'm definitely over my ex, but he was a really good friend and because he was a part of my life even after the break-up, I get sad that we're not friends anymore.

And I realized today that I haven't spent Thanksgiving alone since then. I spent it with the guy I was dating last year and his family. This year I really wanted to visit my family. It's not the family I was born into but the people I consider my family. I was devastated when I realized I was working Friday and unable to make it.

So now two days before Thanksgiving and I have no plans. It's sad but I guess this is what I wanted. I wanted to move out and discover what it was like to be with just me. What better way to get intimate with myself than to spend the one Holiday that's filled with social festivities for me? It'll really reveal who I am to myself. I'm just going to have to get used to being by myself.

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