Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Embracing the New Chapter in my Life

So lately I've been feeling blue. Things aren't quite going the way I had expected in certain aspects of my life. I envisioned having my own place to be a liberating experience. Instead I get into a car accident, lose a friend, found myself slightly immobile, and I felt trapped in a box that looked like it was attacked by boxes. I didn't dwell on feeling discouraged, which is my first mistake because even when I ignore my feelings it always finds an outlet, another manifestation process. This time it was my immune system under attack. I could feel myself getting weaker and I was tired.

When a really good friend of mine who in all honesty sounded like crap made the time to check up on me in spite of the issues and pain going on in his life, it instantly changed something within me. I'm far from satisfied with my life but ignoring it because I don't want to pout about it doesn't work. If anything when I can't avoid it, it gushes out. The most difficult thing to change and the only thing I can change is my frame of thought. So that's what I've decided to do.

My old landlord is trying to evict me even though I don't live there anymore. It's totally a personal vendetta issue because I'm not there anymore and it costs her more money to take me to court. Just trust me on this. She's lost money because of me, I've exposed her husband as the sleaze he is, and it's fairly well known that he bordered on stalking me. But I haven't been served yet and perhaps it's unwise that I haven't gone to the court house to pick up some unidentified document. If the past is chasing me and I ignore it, it's still there. However, my choices remain that I can either interact with my past or not. I moved out to move forward. That's what I'm going to do.

I'm not doing this to run away but I trust that if this is something I can't escape, it'll eventually find me. All I know is that putting my effort and energy into the past right now has left me ill, and I don't want that. I'm embracing a new chapter in my life! Ever since I decided that last night, I've immediately felt my energy return to me. My appetite has returned and I feel like myself again. Oh and I was approved a day off to get this taken care of and the documents I needed weren't there. Maybe it was just carelessness but I took it as a sign because I felt invigorated and powerful when I discovered this as though the universe was juicing me with this sense that it gave me a gift. :)

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