Friday, May 4, 2012

Platonic Friendships

Since I've been unemployed, I've been thinking a lot about this one guy who works at an EDD Work Source Center. I bet if he read that first sentence and knew it was coming from me, he'd be gleaming with pride. Unbeknownst to him, it'd be misguided and grossly misunderstood pride on his part. I'm not thinking of him in an attractive or in my opinion a positive way at all. He's an example of an unfortunate circumstance in my eyes and not want I want to expose myself to.

Everyone is different, and we can't or shouldn't be who we aren't. I don't agree with his perspective, but the truth is that my opinion is about as valid and therefore as invalid as anyone else's since this is a subjective matter. What works for one person doesn't work for another. I believe what I believe because of who I am and how I operate and respond to things. If my response and perspective was closer to his, then I'd look at someone like me and be confused or skeptical too. It's understandable, but it's his lack of openness that both frustrates and saddens me.

Some people don't accept a perspective outside of their own and therefore believe that any that exist outside of their own is a result of distortion, fabrication, or illusion. How can someone make such a judgment about a perspective they not only share but openly admit they don't understand? It makes no sense to me. There's a difference between rejecting someone else's position cuz it doesn't fit into your life, beliefs, or identity, but it's another thing to say it isn't real. You can believe it isn't real and share that perspective, but opinion and fact are two different things.

I'm a girl with a lot of guy friends. In my world, platonic friendships do exist. You can doubt it by all means. You're entitled to your opinion, but to say I'm just wrong in a finalized and factual retort is immeasurable by the person making such a statement. You just look stupid.

I'm not going to bend over backwards to prove myself cuz the type of person who refuses to accept any alternative won't be receptive to something that shouldn't even be an argument. Seeing how I've had friends who have outright refused to sleep with me under the pretense that I'm like a guy, sister, not someone they find attractive, not interested, not their type, or no offense but you're so petite that you look too young and I'd feel uncomfortable support what I say. These are friends I've had from childhood, so it makes sense. Sexual attraction starts later in life, and it just didn't carry over with me.

Could it be that I'm ugly? Probably not. I get a lot of attention from guys, and I don't mean to sound pretentious but it's true. Not that I'm the hottest girl ever, but I certainly get enough attention from guys who describe me as a sexy, beautiful, attractive, hot, tasteful... So guys don't tend to find me attractive cuz I'm the trashy "hot" girl. I'm thin and petite, but I have a curve, although as I already mentioned I'm petite.

I'm not saying every guy friend has never had any desire, thought, or fantasy to sleep with me, but our friendship isn't disingenuous and in existence with the intention to bed me. I think after ten years, it's safe to say that isn't the case. And these are guys who successfully get pretty much any girl they aspire to sleep with. Not everyone is made equal.

If you're the kind of guy who gets a hard on by just looking at a girl, it's understandable why you don't have platonic friendships. But not everyone is like that! What I don't understand are guys who try to educate or enlighten me. I'm not saying every guy is like this but some are. I don't want to go through the trouble of reliving my past of many, many different parents asking me why their son isn't interested in sleeping with me. Is it cuz I have an STD? I couldn't get anyone to sleep with me until I found a guy outside of my high school. Yeah, this late bloomer lost it after high school.

I wish I could say that I don't have any resentment towards this, and I partially believe it. But I only partially believe it. I don't like how meeting guys like him reminds me of my past and resurfaces my inadequacies cuz of his limited perception. Then I feel guilty for placing my reaction that I'm solely responsible for on someone else.

It's just tragic cuz I have a healthy mix of friends now, both women and men. They're so different. I can't imagine cutting one gender out of my life. That's slicing my experience in half. I wouldn't have been able to evolve as I did. If it weren't for my guy friends, I'm not certain I could be confident and secure when I'm involved with a guy cuz I'd constantly feel inferior every time he notices other attractive women. I'm too observant to not notice, either.

There's nothing wrong with guys noticing other girls. Not like once he becomes involved with me that all of a sudden, all pretty girls disappeared. I relate more to guys. If I didn't have them in my life, I would've felt so alone and alienated. Nothing's more lonely than being surrounded by people and feeling either invisible or foreign within everything that's tangible around you.

Of course I'm comparing extracting something I've already experienced and is a part of me out of my life vs. someone who has no idea what I'm talking about. Apples and oranges. Sometimes you can't know what you're missing unless you've had it. But still... I've been thinking about this a lot cuz I have so much free time that I'm able to spend it with my friends. And I've resisted going to the work source center cuz I don't want to have to convince someone that platonic friendships do exist. Who has to deal with shit like that? It's ridiculous!

Yes, I can tell him to leave me alone. But I don't even want to deal with it. What's the point behind his action anyways? He says friendships with the opposite sex doesn't exist. I know he'd gladly sleep with me if he can. He began showing me pictures of all his ex-wives and expressed how he's always been able to get really attractive girls, even though he's not the best looking. He's trying to impress me by validating himself through his past failed relationship. Score! Not only is that a poor attempt but a demonstration of weak intelligence. It's lazy. You wanna impress a girl? You don't reference the past.

Seriously what's the point behind his action? He doesn't believe opposite sex friendships exist. I don't want to spend time with anyone who isn't my friend. I made that much clear. He's asked me if I'd help him sell his furniture and help him haggle. Really? Do you even know if I have skills in that department? Not that it matters since that's so not the point! But how does convincing me that opposite sex friendships don't exist help you? It won't make me spread my legs open. It won't actually change your life.....

It took me a long time to realize this, but there is no definite yes or no answer to this cuz everyone is different. So what's with this ongoing debate? You can argue that someone is faking a platonic gesture. Sure. You can argue that someone is genuine in their platonic intentions. But you can't create an ultimate generalization. At least not one that's accurate and successful in its assessment. When will people realize that?

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