Live First, Learn Second, Day 19

I'm compensating for the day I forgot to blog. There's really no reason why I didn't blog. I'm sure I could've found something to blog about, but instead I chose to talk with my roommate. I don't think that was the wisest course of action. He's cool and all, but he enjoys lively debates and extensive conversations. That's great and all. But as open as he is, he's overly opinionated, disruptive, and adamant about his position. He desires to know why someone disagrees with him but doesn't behave in a way that can effectively enlighten him. It's draining to convince him, and yet I feel compelled to do just that. It's an unhealthy environment to be in. I already know that he's too single-minded and overly opinionated to be open to an alternative view. He enjoys the heated disputes, too, so I think it's possible that he deliberately takes on an argumentative position because he enjoys the idea of someone challenging him.

This is a fine example of Live First, Learn Second. After reading my friends blog, it inspired me to focus on a reality I don't really acknowledge consciously. I learn from my mistakes. I need the retrospect to understand things. Some people can anticipate things and behave accordingly. That's not how I operate. More importantly, I feel that the most powerful and meaningful lessons in life are learned through our errors. Those errors can only teach us if we live, truly live. Live First, Learn Second. You have to live in order to learn.

She addressed something I struggle with, less and less now but still something I haven't overcome. "I want to know all the answers but that is impossible. I have to live first and then the answers will find me." Then the answers will find me. That's deep and simple. Most of the deepest discoveries usually are simple. I'm proud of her for realizing that and grateful that she realized that because I understand it now. I used to fear the unknown, which is why I prepared for everything. I used to learn, learn, and learn, not because I found the experience satisfying but because it comforted me. I felt like the more I learned, there were less things I didn't know. By eliminating the amount of stuff I didn't know, I was eliminating a little more of my fear, the unknown. By distracting myself and entertaining the notion that my fear was worth protecting myself from, I wasn't learning because I wasn't living. Things are different now. I don't merely exist; I live, which is why I've learned so much.