Tuesday, March 13, 2012
I Have to Find MY Shoe Size
The more I try to fit into a world I don't belong in, the more I'll be lost and unsettled. I may not look forward to the seemingly endless search and what a relief it'd be to have found the end, but no amount of desire will make something into something it isn't. Substitutions don't work. I don't belong here. And I want to belong. So I have to find a place where I will...Sigh
How My Unique Experience Influenced Me Regarding This...
For all those born in 70's & 80's!
We are the last generation that learnt to play in the street, we are the first who've played video games, see cartoons in color and went to amusement parks. We were the last to record songs of the radio on cassettes and we are the pioneers of walkmans and chatrooms...We learned how to program the VCR before anyone else, play with the Atari, Super......Nintendo and believed that the Internet would be a free world all on a 56kbit modem. Traveled in cars without seat belts or air-bags & lived without cell phones. Rode our bicycles down the road without brakes. We never had phones but still kept in touch. We did not have play stations, 99 television stations, flat screens, surround sound, mp3s, iPods, computers and broadband...but nevertheless we had a GREAT time
This is a post circulating on fb. I fit this time line, but I didn't have these experiences. I never got to play on the streets, play video games, or watch cartoons. I might've recorded songs onto cassettes, but I've had like zero music exposure which is tragic considering how many CD's my mom had. I was never on chatrooms. IM was something I discovered as an adult. Never tinkered with the VCR. I feel like I'm going to cause an uproar by revealing that I have no idea what Atari is. Never played Super.....Nintendo. Much like chatrooms, internet came into my life when I became an adult. I certainly lived without cell phones and continued to long after everyone else became glued to it. I would've continued to if it weren't for the fact that I lived by myself, and it just didn't seem wise. I still don't find it necessary the way others are conditioned to believe. So I can safely say that as the above states - I didn't have play stations, 99 television stations, flat screens, surround sound, mp3s, iPods, computers, and broadband. I wish I could say I had a good time, but I started enjoying life during the mature phase of adulthood. Better late than never right?
I'm not happy with my childhood by any means, but I'm happy with the person I've become and I can honestly say my upbringing was a HUGE influence. I've spent so much time saying that I'm proud of who I've become which really just means I'm glad I didn't turn out the way so many people suspected I would, the way people who've had my upbringing turn out. Who I am is a huge testament to my strong identity and natural resilience. I'm proud of that, honestly. But I can't say I wish I didn't have a different childhood cuz I feel incredibly deprived and not just cuz I didn't experience these superficial things. This is just a reminder is all.
I have co-workers who tell me that they don't let their children watch TV at all. I can understand a parent's hesitation to expose their young ones to what the media wrecklessly dishes out, and obviously some filtration should take place. But complete shelter or denial or any kind of exposure to their own culture, I believe has its own damages. I nearly failed an English class cuz I didn't know Care Bears was a TV show. This obviously isn't detrimental, but without careful and selective limitation, it's essentially a misguided form of enstilling ignorance. That's no good, either. I get that not every parent has the time to scrupulously make selections, but I think it's important to realize there's danger in total oblivion, too. That's what my experience has taught me. Of course I'm not saying if you grew up in the ghetto that you should be exposed to what's offered on the streets, but indiscriminate shielding is a form of creating ignorance.
Not that I think children never watch TV cuz their parents don't allow it. They're bound to see it somewhere else. That's inevitable. But I don't think it should be a shock. Granted people shouldn't become numb to the violence and see it as the norm, either, which we risk being conditioned into believing through exposure. But some TV is good. Life has both good and bad. We can't or shouldn't cover up the bad by covering everything up. That's just how I feel.
We are the last generation that learnt to play in the street, we are the first who've played video games, see cartoons in color and went to amusement parks. We were the last to record songs of the radio on cassettes and we are the pioneers of walkmans and chatrooms...We learned how to program the VCR before anyone else, play with the Atari, Super......Nintendo and believed that the Internet would be a free world all on a 56kbit modem. Traveled in cars without seat belts or air-bags & lived without cell phones. Rode our bicycles down the road without brakes. We never had phones but still kept in touch. We did not have play stations, 99 television stations, flat screens, surround sound, mp3s, iPods, computers and broadband...but nevertheless we had a GREAT time
This is a post circulating on fb. I fit this time line, but I didn't have these experiences. I never got to play on the streets, play video games, or watch cartoons. I might've recorded songs onto cassettes, but I've had like zero music exposure which is tragic considering how many CD's my mom had. I was never on chatrooms. IM was something I discovered as an adult. Never tinkered with the VCR. I feel like I'm going to cause an uproar by revealing that I have no idea what Atari is. Never played Super.....Nintendo. Much like chatrooms, internet came into my life when I became an adult. I certainly lived without cell phones and continued to long after everyone else became glued to it. I would've continued to if it weren't for the fact that I lived by myself, and it just didn't seem wise. I still don't find it necessary the way others are conditioned to believe. So I can safely say that as the above states - I didn't have play stations, 99 television stations, flat screens, surround sound, mp3s, iPods, computers, and broadband. I wish I could say I had a good time, but I started enjoying life during the mature phase of adulthood. Better late than never right?
I'm not happy with my childhood by any means, but I'm happy with the person I've become and I can honestly say my upbringing was a HUGE influence. I've spent so much time saying that I'm proud of who I've become which really just means I'm glad I didn't turn out the way so many people suspected I would, the way people who've had my upbringing turn out. Who I am is a huge testament to my strong identity and natural resilience. I'm proud of that, honestly. But I can't say I wish I didn't have a different childhood cuz I feel incredibly deprived and not just cuz I didn't experience these superficial things. This is just a reminder is all.
I have co-workers who tell me that they don't let their children watch TV at all. I can understand a parent's hesitation to expose their young ones to what the media wrecklessly dishes out, and obviously some filtration should take place. But complete shelter or denial or any kind of exposure to their own culture, I believe has its own damages. I nearly failed an English class cuz I didn't know Care Bears was a TV show. This obviously isn't detrimental, but without careful and selective limitation, it's essentially a misguided form of enstilling ignorance. That's no good, either. I get that not every parent has the time to scrupulously make selections, but I think it's important to realize there's danger in total oblivion, too. That's what my experience has taught me. Of course I'm not saying if you grew up in the ghetto that you should be exposed to what's offered on the streets, but indiscriminate shielding is a form of creating ignorance.
Not that I think children never watch TV cuz their parents don't allow it. They're bound to see it somewhere else. That's inevitable. But I don't think it should be a shock. Granted people shouldn't become numb to the violence and see it as the norm, either, which we risk being conditioned into believing through exposure. But some TV is good. Life has both good and bad. We can't or shouldn't cover up the bad by covering everything up. That's just how I feel.
A Series of Unspoken Epiphanies
Good morning! I've had a series of unspoken epiphanies as revealed in my title. I came to a realization about someone after a reaction so telling and undeniable that I can no longer turn the other cheek. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. If anything, this now gives me the peace of mind I need to eliminate someone out of my life who's unhealthy. I've been so good about attracting positive and healthy people, I suppose this curve ball masquerading as something else is inevitable. It's unfortunate, but it is what it is and I can no longer pretend otherwise.
Sometimes I know something from the beginning but I have to let things fall apart before I can walk away cuz I don't want to feel torn. People may not deserve my care and concern, but I don't do it for them. I have those feelings cuz I'm human, it's who I am, and that's how I feel. Call me selfish over it if that's how you feel, but I'm tired of feeling guilty for who I am cuz there's nothing wrong with it especially when I'm being honest and I'm NOT artificially selfless and considerate. It is what it is.
I'm at a halfway point at work. I don't have the energy or desire to elaborate right now, but not everything is what it appears to be. I guess I was yet again naive for believing otherwise cuz deception lurks everywhere cuz it's a trait innate in humans. But it's not all bad. I may still choose to stay. My position here will be determined by those making the decision, but I'm receptive to what happens which is slightly startling.
With my current salary, I thought I'd be able to move into a better apartment which I do believe I deserve. After all I'm stagnant from being in the same place too long where I'm opting out of proposing a lease extension cuz my landlord is known to make sexual advances. Just cuz I CAN sue someone doesn't mean I want to. I don't want to put that kind of effort or introduce that kind of energy into my life. The whole I'm lucky to not have roaches cuz of my apartment placement is getting old.
It would be nice to have my own place with a kitchen cuz I deserve it. But recently as the idea of having a kitchen seemed more plausible, a voice in my head reminded me that I don't NEED one as if to tell me by thinking I deserve one, I'm crippling my mentality that I NEED one and I really don't. I cook more without a kitchen than others who have a full kitchen. I can't say if it doesn't work out that I won't be disappointed, but that's a good thing cuz it means I've had something good going on in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who can afford to have a one bedroom on my own with a car and pay for the insurance the way most people who live here do. But that would be a mundane life, and the more I learn about myself, the more I realize, I'm not meant for that kind of life. Still, the stability must be nice... I feel like the universe dictates what's best for me and makes decisions without my consent or input, and that sucks cuz it's my life that's being tossed around. I wish when things appear stable and possible that it'll stay down that road, rather than a road block, unexpected detours, and what not, but no amount of wishing will change my life. The best I can do is make the best of things.
I've recently discovered that even if I'm offered this job long term, it wouldn't be through the employment agency. So I'll be looking at a salary reduction. I don't want a job that'll sustain my current situation cuz I want to flow, remove the stagnation, either move forward or experience something new. Not guarantee or solidify my current placement. But I'm not sure how to proceed otherwise.
I learned that I can work on a cruise with my living expenses covered as far as rent and food goes. It'll give me an opportunity to travel. I would've never been open to something like this before when I was attached to my "things." Now I'm different. The past few years of my life has "trained" and changed me to become the very type of person who can just go and leave. If not now, when? I'm starting to feel like I have less reasons to be here. And the world is so huge! It's a safe way to travel, too. Much better than doing it solo. Maybe if I were a big guy. Not me, though. That wouldn't be smart.
Maybe I'm not engrossed in an inspired and passionate state of mind cuz that distracts me from being receptive and open. Maybe the fact that I'm not hooked to something is a good thing...
Sometimes I know something from the beginning but I have to let things fall apart before I can walk away cuz I don't want to feel torn. People may not deserve my care and concern, but I don't do it for them. I have those feelings cuz I'm human, it's who I am, and that's how I feel. Call me selfish over it if that's how you feel, but I'm tired of feeling guilty for who I am cuz there's nothing wrong with it especially when I'm being honest and I'm NOT artificially selfless and considerate. It is what it is.
I'm at a halfway point at work. I don't have the energy or desire to elaborate right now, but not everything is what it appears to be. I guess I was yet again naive for believing otherwise cuz deception lurks everywhere cuz it's a trait innate in humans. But it's not all bad. I may still choose to stay. My position here will be determined by those making the decision, but I'm receptive to what happens which is slightly startling.
With my current salary, I thought I'd be able to move into a better apartment which I do believe I deserve. After all I'm stagnant from being in the same place too long where I'm opting out of proposing a lease extension cuz my landlord is known to make sexual advances. Just cuz I CAN sue someone doesn't mean I want to. I don't want to put that kind of effort or introduce that kind of energy into my life. The whole I'm lucky to not have roaches cuz of my apartment placement is getting old.
It would be nice to have my own place with a kitchen cuz I deserve it. But recently as the idea of having a kitchen seemed more plausible, a voice in my head reminded me that I don't NEED one as if to tell me by thinking I deserve one, I'm crippling my mentality that I NEED one and I really don't. I cook more without a kitchen than others who have a full kitchen. I can't say if it doesn't work out that I won't be disappointed, but that's a good thing cuz it means I've had something good going on in my life.
Sometimes I wish I could be one of those people who can afford to have a one bedroom on my own with a car and pay for the insurance the way most people who live here do. But that would be a mundane life, and the more I learn about myself, the more I realize, I'm not meant for that kind of life. Still, the stability must be nice... I feel like the universe dictates what's best for me and makes decisions without my consent or input, and that sucks cuz it's my life that's being tossed around. I wish when things appear stable and possible that it'll stay down that road, rather than a road block, unexpected detours, and what not, but no amount of wishing will change my life. The best I can do is make the best of things.
I've recently discovered that even if I'm offered this job long term, it wouldn't be through the employment agency. So I'll be looking at a salary reduction. I don't want a job that'll sustain my current situation cuz I want to flow, remove the stagnation, either move forward or experience something new. Not guarantee or solidify my current placement. But I'm not sure how to proceed otherwise.
I learned that I can work on a cruise with my living expenses covered as far as rent and food goes. It'll give me an opportunity to travel. I would've never been open to something like this before when I was attached to my "things." Now I'm different. The past few years of my life has "trained" and changed me to become the very type of person who can just go and leave. If not now, when? I'm starting to feel like I have less reasons to be here. And the world is so huge! It's a safe way to travel, too. Much better than doing it solo. Maybe if I were a big guy. Not me, though. That wouldn't be smart.
Maybe I'm not engrossed in an inspired and passionate state of mind cuz that distracts me from being receptive and open. Maybe the fact that I'm not hooked to something is a good thing...
Monday, March 12, 2012
The Start of a New Beginning? :)
My Saturday was filled with activities I've been wanting to do for quite some time. I had my first sewing lesson with a friend of mine. We found a groupon discount. I'm glad it was half off cuz it was definitely informative, and I doubt I would've understood the machine without that class. I just don't have the attention span with youtube and if I did by some miracle grasp it, it would've taken me forever!!!
At least now I'm armored with the knowledge to get started. In all honestly, I'm not sure if I'm willing to invest in a sewing machine yet but I've started on a task I've been telling myself I want to learn for years now. That's huge! As for the actual class.....It was definitely informative, but it's crazy to imagine that most people pay $60 for ONE lesson to learn how to thread, lear the settings, and be given a basic tutorial about fabrics. Half of which I could've gotten online and understood. If I knew someone with a sewing machine, I could've saved myself the trouble. Although that's exactly the kind of thinking that's made me procrastinate for so long. I certainly don't regret the $30 spent, just a little disappointed about what I got out of it. Fortunately I'm in the minority.
Interestingly enough this past week, I've been feeling constructively critical reviewing experiences I've had with aestheticians and the sorts in my head. With that mentality in mind, I'm not sure I experienced the full satisfaction others have experienced. The only negative reviews were regarding scheduling, which was an unnecessary nightmare thankfully for my friend (not me) cuz she was the one scheduling. The day and date didn't match, then only one of us got scheduled until it corrected, and there was a whole phone tag issue going on in the process.
As for the actual sewing class, it wasn't bad. I guess I just expected more. We didn't make totes the way I was led to believe we would. We went over by twenty minutes and we weren't even finished with the class, so I can't help but feel like we were stiffed. It makes me wonder if I want to take another class with her. She's definitely a clear communicator, articulate, receptive, attentive, helpful, and makes the class fun. But if we go over time, will we be denied a portion of our lesson? Organization isn't her strong suit, but it's hardly debilitating when it coems to the quality of teaching. I just tend to over think things.
I was a little disappointed that I didn't have the best technique, which, of course, is understandable since it's the first time I've even touched a sewing machine, but my friend was doing much better. I'm not saying I can't improve, but this will require more focus and discipline. It's certainly not a natural talent I possess. The instructor said it's the mind of the engineer that excels the most in this class. Do I have the mind of an engineer? I'm not certain. My ex mentioned I had some mentality but had difficulty executing it. He was surprised by my promise but inability to bring it out. Was it engineering? If so, maybe sewing can be the tool I need to do just that - bring it out. That'd be nice.
I'm so small and my frame is so unique. I'm short but I have a long midriff the way a tall person would. I also have long legs for a short person. I have the leg length of someone who's 5'5" and I'm only 5'2"... I'm so small that most companies don't accommodate my size. I can't wait until sale prices come around when the few stores that carry my size has my size in stock. Their protocol is to only order 3, one of them is always on display and sometimes if it doesn't sell, it's cheaper to return the products to the manufacturer. So I have to grab it ASAP! After spending years wearing clothes that don't flatter my figure, I now have a clear understanding of what's best for my body. But it's so difficult to find those styles cuz it's not a demanding size, style, or fit! Sewing would be the perfect solution! Not to mention there are a ton of crafts I want to do that I'm unable to do cuz I don't know how to sew! It's ridiculous!
As for the tote, I went to this website and read that a tote bag is created in this class. So I'm disappointed cuz we didn't have enough time for that. As I've already mentioned, the instructor is an excellent teacher. However if specific things are meant to be covered in the class, I feel it should be. If we go over our time, I find it unfair that we were unable to complete the full course and feel that it should've still been offered to us. After all how the class is organized and time management is the responsibility of the instructor. Being polite doesn't change that. I wasn't going to be a bitch and demand that we learn a tote, but I feel that we go the short end of the stick cuz think about the world of difference it would've made had we have been able to do that. We would've learned so much more, had way more practice, and be more confident in our abilities as a result!
Yes, I'm being critical and I know this to be especially true since everyone raves about her on yelp, but that doesn't change my point. This experience won't stop me from recommending people, but I might search a little more for a different instructor, rather than going straight back to her without hesitation, which I would've done if we had gotten a chance to do our tote. It's experiences like these that remind me of where I'm from cuz where I grew up, there's a standard for EXACTLY what gets covered. We don't even have to demand it. My how different things operate at different places. And maybe that's just it. My critical side is resurfacing cuz my standards are returning, rather than the tolerance I've built over the years.
You'll see another example of my standards as I proceed to discuss my yoga experience. I joined a yoga membership cuz I'm able to get the first month free. However I still pay for a month. It's like I'm paying last month's fee, and it's unlimited classes for less than $100. That's very affordable. To tell you to the truth, the petty jealous side of me finds it unfair that I haven't been able to score those $35 unlimited yoga for a month specials. I always seem to miss them. Sigh...but waiting around til a good deal comes by is no deal cuz my health is important. So I bit the bullet and joined a yoga membership.
I guess it's to be expected that when you join without testing out the instructors, you may be in for a surprise. But the cost of testing out the instructors would've been more or as expensive as a full month. Besides I wanted to get the free month. That's how they hook you! They also gave me a $25 credit, so I purchased an Ayurveda Cookbook which I appreciate. It has a generous selection of recipes, but it also thoroughly covers Ayurvedic health. The balance between both information and in such detail is promising.
As for the yoga instructor...that's a different story. I took a level 1/2 class which I was suggested given my exposure. I've taken a few kundalini classes and a couple other ones at Fitness 24. I don't remember the name, but I indicated that they focused on alignment, postures, and flexibility. The class I took is considered to be more cardio intensive, and I was informed of that. I guess with level 2 students being in the class, I can't be too surprised by the advancement. But I find the recommendation to be inappropriate and unwise.
I had assumed the instructor would be doing the poses with us, so I positioned myself in the front of the class and was asked to move to the back so I can follow people. I'm glad the instructor recognized that I was new and gave me that recommendation, though. What I didn't like was that the poses were instructed with details on what exactly we should be doing. Perhaps that's acceptable for a level 2 class, but I don't think it's safe in a level 1 class which I feel should be taken into account.
Now to be fair, this class may have the same set of students in which case it could be appropriate to go with this speed EXCEPT there was someone next to me who wasn't even posing on the correct leg! Someone all the way in the front was horribly imbalanced and unable to do the eagle pose. That's a difficult pose! As I observed others in the room, I noticed that not everyone's arms were lengthened the same, hands were either open or closed, posture was off, and there was such a variety in technique. I believe if the class were taught properly, there would be more congruency cuz yoga should be done correctly, not according to each person's preference! Furthermore, the instructor was playing the drums in class which may seem like a good idea again in theory, but that made the instructor unavailable to correct anyone. That's probably why there were so many apparent mistakes.
I'm not saying a yoga class taught by an instructor playing the drums in it of itself is a bad idea, BUT if that's going to be done, it should be done with a scrupulous eye and better judgment ie a class filled with qualified students who don't require alignment correction, repositioning, etc. It was apparent that there were students who didn't belong in that class who were there. It may not sound fun to exclude people, but I think that's the responsibility of competent yoga instructors. I believe either be there to assist your students who clearly need it or limit drumming to a class where students don't require more explicit instructions. At the end of class I asked the instructor how I did and he said I did fine. He walked by people around me and corrected them (although not thoroughly enough since I'm observing all this), but he never corrected me. He said he thought I did fine.
I've done ballet for years, so technique has always been a priority for me. Even if I could do something well, I understood the technique and would rather do the little I can do rather than a sloppy performance. So I'm not surprised by the instructor's assessment, but either way it isn't good. Either I'm the self-righteous newb running her mouth about something I don't understand as I make mistakes or I'm right. Neither sound good. More focus and priority should be directed to the students and less activities that take away from that ie drumming or more appropriate placement. One or the other... However I do like that I began a journey pursuing two interests I've had for a while now.
At least now I'm armored with the knowledge to get started. In all honestly, I'm not sure if I'm willing to invest in a sewing machine yet but I've started on a task I've been telling myself I want to learn for years now. That's huge! As for the actual class.....It was definitely informative, but it's crazy to imagine that most people pay $60 for ONE lesson to learn how to thread, lear the settings, and be given a basic tutorial about fabrics. Half of which I could've gotten online and understood. If I knew someone with a sewing machine, I could've saved myself the trouble. Although that's exactly the kind of thinking that's made me procrastinate for so long. I certainly don't regret the $30 spent, just a little disappointed about what I got out of it. Fortunately I'm in the minority.
Interestingly enough this past week, I've been feeling constructively critical reviewing experiences I've had with aestheticians and the sorts in my head. With that mentality in mind, I'm not sure I experienced the full satisfaction others have experienced. The only negative reviews were regarding scheduling, which was an unnecessary nightmare thankfully for my friend (not me) cuz she was the one scheduling. The day and date didn't match, then only one of us got scheduled until it corrected, and there was a whole phone tag issue going on in the process.
As for the actual sewing class, it wasn't bad. I guess I just expected more. We didn't make totes the way I was led to believe we would. We went over by twenty minutes and we weren't even finished with the class, so I can't help but feel like we were stiffed. It makes me wonder if I want to take another class with her. She's definitely a clear communicator, articulate, receptive, attentive, helpful, and makes the class fun. But if we go over time, will we be denied a portion of our lesson? Organization isn't her strong suit, but it's hardly debilitating when it coems to the quality of teaching. I just tend to over think things.
I was a little disappointed that I didn't have the best technique, which, of course, is understandable since it's the first time I've even touched a sewing machine, but my friend was doing much better. I'm not saying I can't improve, but this will require more focus and discipline. It's certainly not a natural talent I possess. The instructor said it's the mind of the engineer that excels the most in this class. Do I have the mind of an engineer? I'm not certain. My ex mentioned I had some mentality but had difficulty executing it. He was surprised by my promise but inability to bring it out. Was it engineering? If so, maybe sewing can be the tool I need to do just that - bring it out. That'd be nice.
I'm so small and my frame is so unique. I'm short but I have a long midriff the way a tall person would. I also have long legs for a short person. I have the leg length of someone who's 5'5" and I'm only 5'2"... I'm so small that most companies don't accommodate my size. I can't wait until sale prices come around when the few stores that carry my size has my size in stock. Their protocol is to only order 3, one of them is always on display and sometimes if it doesn't sell, it's cheaper to return the products to the manufacturer. So I have to grab it ASAP! After spending years wearing clothes that don't flatter my figure, I now have a clear understanding of what's best for my body. But it's so difficult to find those styles cuz it's not a demanding size, style, or fit! Sewing would be the perfect solution! Not to mention there are a ton of crafts I want to do that I'm unable to do cuz I don't know how to sew! It's ridiculous!
As for the tote, I went to this website and read that a tote bag is created in this class. So I'm disappointed cuz we didn't have enough time for that. As I've already mentioned, the instructor is an excellent teacher. However if specific things are meant to be covered in the class, I feel it should be. If we go over our time, I find it unfair that we were unable to complete the full course and feel that it should've still been offered to us. After all how the class is organized and time management is the responsibility of the instructor. Being polite doesn't change that. I wasn't going to be a bitch and demand that we learn a tote, but I feel that we go the short end of the stick cuz think about the world of difference it would've made had we have been able to do that. We would've learned so much more, had way more practice, and be more confident in our abilities as a result!
Yes, I'm being critical and I know this to be especially true since everyone raves about her on yelp, but that doesn't change my point. This experience won't stop me from recommending people, but I might search a little more for a different instructor, rather than going straight back to her without hesitation, which I would've done if we had gotten a chance to do our tote. It's experiences like these that remind me of where I'm from cuz where I grew up, there's a standard for EXACTLY what gets covered. We don't even have to demand it. My how different things operate at different places. And maybe that's just it. My critical side is resurfacing cuz my standards are returning, rather than the tolerance I've built over the years.
You'll see another example of my standards as I proceed to discuss my yoga experience. I joined a yoga membership cuz I'm able to get the first month free. However I still pay for a month. It's like I'm paying last month's fee, and it's unlimited classes for less than $100. That's very affordable. To tell you to the truth, the petty jealous side of me finds it unfair that I haven't been able to score those $35 unlimited yoga for a month specials. I always seem to miss them. Sigh...but waiting around til a good deal comes by is no deal cuz my health is important. So I bit the bullet and joined a yoga membership.
I guess it's to be expected that when you join without testing out the instructors, you may be in for a surprise. But the cost of testing out the instructors would've been more or as expensive as a full month. Besides I wanted to get the free month. That's how they hook you! They also gave me a $25 credit, so I purchased an Ayurveda Cookbook which I appreciate. It has a generous selection of recipes, but it also thoroughly covers Ayurvedic health. The balance between both information and in such detail is promising.
As for the yoga instructor...that's a different story. I took a level 1/2 class which I was suggested given my exposure. I've taken a few kundalini classes and a couple other ones at Fitness 24. I don't remember the name, but I indicated that they focused on alignment, postures, and flexibility. The class I took is considered to be more cardio intensive, and I was informed of that. I guess with level 2 students being in the class, I can't be too surprised by the advancement. But I find the recommendation to be inappropriate and unwise.
I had assumed the instructor would be doing the poses with us, so I positioned myself in the front of the class and was asked to move to the back so I can follow people. I'm glad the instructor recognized that I was new and gave me that recommendation, though. What I didn't like was that the poses were instructed with details on what exactly we should be doing. Perhaps that's acceptable for a level 2 class, but I don't think it's safe in a level 1 class which I feel should be taken into account.
Now to be fair, this class may have the same set of students in which case it could be appropriate to go with this speed EXCEPT there was someone next to me who wasn't even posing on the correct leg! Someone all the way in the front was horribly imbalanced and unable to do the eagle pose. That's a difficult pose! As I observed others in the room, I noticed that not everyone's arms were lengthened the same, hands were either open or closed, posture was off, and there was such a variety in technique. I believe if the class were taught properly, there would be more congruency cuz yoga should be done correctly, not according to each person's preference! Furthermore, the instructor was playing the drums in class which may seem like a good idea again in theory, but that made the instructor unavailable to correct anyone. That's probably why there were so many apparent mistakes.
I'm not saying a yoga class taught by an instructor playing the drums in it of itself is a bad idea, BUT if that's going to be done, it should be done with a scrupulous eye and better judgment ie a class filled with qualified students who don't require alignment correction, repositioning, etc. It was apparent that there were students who didn't belong in that class who were there. It may not sound fun to exclude people, but I think that's the responsibility of competent yoga instructors. I believe either be there to assist your students who clearly need it or limit drumming to a class where students don't require more explicit instructions. At the end of class I asked the instructor how I did and he said I did fine. He walked by people around me and corrected them (although not thoroughly enough since I'm observing all this), but he never corrected me. He said he thought I did fine.
I've done ballet for years, so technique has always been a priority for me. Even if I could do something well, I understood the technique and would rather do the little I can do rather than a sloppy performance. So I'm not surprised by the instructor's assessment, but either way it isn't good. Either I'm the self-righteous newb running her mouth about something I don't understand as I make mistakes or I'm right. Neither sound good. More focus and priority should be directed to the students and less activities that take away from that ie drumming or more appropriate placement. One or the other... However I do like that I began a journey pursuing two interests I've had for a while now.
Friday, March 9, 2012
The Practice of Being Receptive
Isn't it amazing how a mere observation can transform into a series of interconnectedness or a spiraling effect of ideas? I can't even remember what triggered this an abstract epiphany for me last night,but I became incredibly perceptive to the energy around me. With the full moon, my senses are heightened or at least I believe that's what it was.
Interestly enough, I've always been mildly curious about how the moon cycle effects people. I've wanted to buy a planner that monitors the moon phases for a couple years already, but I never got around to it. A friend of mine is really attuned with the full moon. Since I've become more emotional and intuitive, I find myself having more intense experiences on some days. I've never monitored it in conjunction the moon, but I wouldn't be surprised if a correlation exists. I think I'll start recording my emotional state of mind without observing the moon. Then I'll go back and check how they align. I had an ex who observed that my leg cramps were always worse during the full moon.
As I was taking in the energy around me, I began realizing how quickly things change. If I'm going to be receptive to myself and the universe, it's not alway wise to adhere to a rigid schedule cuz things change constantly. It's okay to not pursue something planned if it no longer suits me for whatever reason. I don't think that mentality should be abused as a way to avoid responsibility, but if it's small leisurely stuff, that's different. I was so close to going to a book swapping party last night. I mean I was minutes away when I just lost the desire to go. I was experiencing a pang of inner conflict. The old me wanted to continue going cuz I gathered all the books I wanted to swap and it would've been such a wasted trip. But I really wasn't feeling it. The last thing I wanted to do was force myself into be social when the idea of following through with this overwhelmed me so much, it was almost paralyzing. So I went home and I have no regrets. It actually felt liberating.
The truth is that I spend more time fulfilling tasks simply cuz I wrote them down on my to-do list, rather than paying attention to what I really want. I've gotten used to and even numb to that grueling feeling that it's become another regularly occurring feeling. My perception has become distorted. By not realizing that this feeling is a negative one, I proceed with my plans. All the while failing to see the truth. And I'm finally beginning to open my eyes.
This may not seem like a big deal, but for me it's huge! I still continue to fill my journal with to-do lists. But since I'm beginning to realize the value of just going with the flow, I imagine I'll save a lot more paper and focus on the things that really matter. Plus I won't be overwhelmed with a feeling of guilt and inadequacy for not finishing everything on my list. I won't hesitate in writing down what I'm interested in cuz I might change my mind and I want to avoid the feeling of guilt. Then end up kicking myself cuz I totally forgot that's what I wanted to do when I was in the neighborhood and stuff like that. RIGHT NOW I'm thinking it'd be nice to go to the mall. Two hours later, I may change my mind. I'm staying open. :)
Interestly enough, I've always been mildly curious about how the moon cycle effects people. I've wanted to buy a planner that monitors the moon phases for a couple years already, but I never got around to it. A friend of mine is really attuned with the full moon. Since I've become more emotional and intuitive, I find myself having more intense experiences on some days. I've never monitored it in conjunction the moon, but I wouldn't be surprised if a correlation exists. I think I'll start recording my emotional state of mind without observing the moon. Then I'll go back and check how they align. I had an ex who observed that my leg cramps were always worse during the full moon.
As I was taking in the energy around me, I began realizing how quickly things change. If I'm going to be receptive to myself and the universe, it's not alway wise to adhere to a rigid schedule cuz things change constantly. It's okay to not pursue something planned if it no longer suits me for whatever reason. I don't think that mentality should be abused as a way to avoid responsibility, but if it's small leisurely stuff, that's different. I was so close to going to a book swapping party last night. I mean I was minutes away when I just lost the desire to go. I was experiencing a pang of inner conflict. The old me wanted to continue going cuz I gathered all the books I wanted to swap and it would've been such a wasted trip. But I really wasn't feeling it. The last thing I wanted to do was force myself into be social when the idea of following through with this overwhelmed me so much, it was almost paralyzing. So I went home and I have no regrets. It actually felt liberating.
The truth is that I spend more time fulfilling tasks simply cuz I wrote them down on my to-do list, rather than paying attention to what I really want. I've gotten used to and even numb to that grueling feeling that it's become another regularly occurring feeling. My perception has become distorted. By not realizing that this feeling is a negative one, I proceed with my plans. All the while failing to see the truth. And I'm finally beginning to open my eyes.
This may not seem like a big deal, but for me it's huge! I still continue to fill my journal with to-do lists. But since I'm beginning to realize the value of just going with the flow, I imagine I'll save a lot more paper and focus on the things that really matter. Plus I won't be overwhelmed with a feeling of guilt and inadequacy for not finishing everything on my list. I won't hesitate in writing down what I'm interested in cuz I might change my mind and I want to avoid the feeling of guilt. Then end up kicking myself cuz I totally forgot that's what I wanted to do when I was in the neighborhood and stuff like that. RIGHT NOW I'm thinking it'd be nice to go to the mall. Two hours later, I may change my mind. I'm staying open. :)
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Yesterday was a Good Day
I've been waiting on a package FOREVER! I bought hyaluronic acid serum and essential oils from Puritan cuz they have a buy 1 get 1 free special that's pretty much always going on. So I got 8 (2 each) of the essential oils in cinnamon, lavender, lemon, and peppermint. The cinnamon has a woodsier scent than I'd like. The lavender's not the best I've smelled but certainly enjoyable. The lemon scent is a much softer citrusy scent than I would've expected, almost faintly candy like. I was imagining it'd be a sharper scent. Peppermint was great! And it's the only one I found I could use internally. The hyaluronic acid wasn't on a two for one special but found it much cheaper online than in person. All in all, I'm very happy with my purchases. :D Usually when I place orders, I receive them well before it's indicated timeline. So all the waiting made me envious of my co-worker.
I was originally planning to return my library book but instead decided to join a yoga membership since this they were offering a free month special if I sign up. It's less than $100 for an unlimited monthly membership and the yoga instructors require many, MANY hours of teaching certifications. I've been wanting to do this for quite some time. I'm glad I finally called. I was also given a $25 gift card to spend at their store. I could basically get a good two books for free! :D I'm planning on getting one book on ayurveda and one on chakra if possible. I found a wonderfully scented lavender mist, but considering how I just purchased essential oils, I figure I can experiment with making my own! That should be fun.
Before I finally stepped inside and paid for my yoga membership, I was on the phone with a friend of mine for two hours!!! So we finally decided to meet up and we were hanging out at the beach. There was an area that wasn't as chilly situated right next to a crazy who was screaming and right near the edge of the cliff, too..... We originally wanted to go on a night hike to enjoy the full moon, but we couldn't find any nearby spots. So instead we had Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. Not the healthiest, I know.
I let 8 days pass and I haven't paid my rent cuz sadly I've been too busy and lazy to write a check, which I MUST do tonight! I also have to return my library book cuz it's due today. I don't want any late fees. I have to move quickly. Gotta take out the trash and gather books I don't want anymore, so I can make it to a book swapping event tonight. Hopefully I find something I like. Hopefully I'll make it. If I'm on top of things like I know I can be and not let my laziness and procrastination set in, I'll really be abe to get it done. The more I think about exactly how I'll do things, the more my energy develops that flow and I make it happen. So that's what I'm doing now.
Not driving makes things difficult, but it's my laziness that really causes the interference from completing my goals. During the weekend I'd like to hit up a craft store, pick up contact lenses, go to Charlotte Russe, Forever 21, wet seal, macys, and Kmart. The problem is that I can't find a mall that has all those stores! I have to go to like three different spots! It's ridiculous! I was given a gift card for macy's, so I want to look at what I can buy. I want to go to Forever 21 to get a black cardigan, a desire that's been building since high school at this point! I haven't been able to find just a nice plain one! Ugh! What a drag! Since I'm going to start taking yoga and I've been wanting to get black leggings anyways, I want to get a few. I'll leave one at work, one at home designated for yoga, and a spare for my regular outfits. That way I'll be able to wash them, too. That's promising!
I want to start making changes that'll support a healthier lifestyle like having groceries at work such as whole wheat bread, strawberry jam, hummus, carrots, celery, things like that. I'm also going to use my slow cooker more often, so I can have ready made meals for lunch and dinner. I'll also have workout clothes, too. I was hoping I'll be able to attend a yoga class this week, but my schedule doesn't seem to permit it as the book swapping only occurs monthly. I already missed it last month. Anywyas I'm going to spend some time focusing on how I see my day unfolding cuz I'd really like to see this plan unravel in a flowing sort of way.
I was originally planning to return my library book but instead decided to join a yoga membership since this they were offering a free month special if I sign up. It's less than $100 for an unlimited monthly membership and the yoga instructors require many, MANY hours of teaching certifications. I've been wanting to do this for quite some time. I'm glad I finally called. I was also given a $25 gift card to spend at their store. I could basically get a good two books for free! :D I'm planning on getting one book on ayurveda and one on chakra if possible. I found a wonderfully scented lavender mist, but considering how I just purchased essential oils, I figure I can experiment with making my own! That should be fun.
Before I finally stepped inside and paid for my yoga membership, I was on the phone with a friend of mine for two hours!!! So we finally decided to meet up and we were hanging out at the beach. There was an area that wasn't as chilly situated right next to a crazy who was screaming and right near the edge of the cliff, too..... We originally wanted to go on a night hike to enjoy the full moon, but we couldn't find any nearby spots. So instead we had Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles. Not the healthiest, I know.
I let 8 days pass and I haven't paid my rent cuz sadly I've been too busy and lazy to write a check, which I MUST do tonight! I also have to return my library book cuz it's due today. I don't want any late fees. I have to move quickly. Gotta take out the trash and gather books I don't want anymore, so I can make it to a book swapping event tonight. Hopefully I find something I like. Hopefully I'll make it. If I'm on top of things like I know I can be and not let my laziness and procrastination set in, I'll really be abe to get it done. The more I think about exactly how I'll do things, the more my energy develops that flow and I make it happen. So that's what I'm doing now.
Not driving makes things difficult, but it's my laziness that really causes the interference from completing my goals. During the weekend I'd like to hit up a craft store, pick up contact lenses, go to Charlotte Russe, Forever 21, wet seal, macys, and Kmart. The problem is that I can't find a mall that has all those stores! I have to go to like three different spots! It's ridiculous! I was given a gift card for macy's, so I want to look at what I can buy. I want to go to Forever 21 to get a black cardigan, a desire that's been building since high school at this point! I haven't been able to find just a nice plain one! Ugh! What a drag! Since I'm going to start taking yoga and I've been wanting to get black leggings anyways, I want to get a few. I'll leave one at work, one at home designated for yoga, and a spare for my regular outfits. That way I'll be able to wash them, too. That's promising!
I want to start making changes that'll support a healthier lifestyle like having groceries at work such as whole wheat bread, strawberry jam, hummus, carrots, celery, things like that. I'm also going to use my slow cooker more often, so I can have ready made meals for lunch and dinner. I'll also have workout clothes, too. I was hoping I'll be able to attend a yoga class this week, but my schedule doesn't seem to permit it as the book swapping only occurs monthly. I already missed it last month. Anywyas I'm going to spend some time focusing on how I see my day unfolding cuz I'd really like to see this plan unravel in a flowing sort of way.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
The Halfway Point
I've been considering moving for quite some time and if anyone's been keeping up with my blog, it's not new information. But I've started thinking about it more recently. So much so that today I began browsing craigslist. I'm still uncertain if this job will turn into a permanent one, but part of being intuitive is developing confidence in myself because imbalance distorts perception. For someone of over confidence, perhaps humility is required. In my case, however, it's quite the opposite.
Time will reveal the outcome. No amount of contemplating will advance the answer to me any quicker. (My how much I've grown. LOL) Anyways I'm going through the typical series of considerations, but this time I'm not narrowing my choices or blind to what my choices are. Despite the many jobs I've had, this is the first one that's closeby to where I live and easy to commute to. People live nearby where they live all the time, but I've never experienced this before.
I really enjoy the convenience. People used to be appalled by how far away I was from everything - friends, work, school, home, etc. I just thought it was my life. Now I like to call it standards. :) So nearby commute is a priority. By enjoying the benefit of it, I won't feel so depressed or imprisoned to a higher rental fee. I used to get briefly jealous that others always seem to find better deals than me. That pang of envy didn't last long since my life hurricaned one disaster after another.
My chaotic life forced me to not be petty. Now that I have time to feel how I feel, I'm not wasting it on asinine feelings and directly them outwards. I'm really taking the time to focus on what matters to me cuz the truth is no matter what decisions I make, there's going to be some sort of challenge somewhere whether it be exchanging a long commute for cheaper rent or higher rental fees for a closeby area. With that mentality expressed, I want to be open and receptive to cheap rent nearby. :)
Finding a place with utilities included would be wonderful cuz I've gotten used to not budgeting, which I could get away with cuz my expenses are pre-fixed. When I have to pay something, I pay well in advance so I don't have to deal with a bill monthly. I only charge on my credit card what I know I have money for. I withdrawal the smallest amount of $ I possibly need for food and only access that for food. I do the same with credit cards. Having a bank nearby is a super convenience! Gotta factor that into my moving, too.
I want to move even though I love my space cuz I don't want to become stagnant, and I can feel myself drowning in it. Part of it has to do with my habits, but it's also cuz I don't value my space. Whether my space is clean or cluttered, it feels the same to me cuz it's lacking that flowing energy. Even when I practice feng shui cuz I'm no longer stimulated and excited by it. I need something new.
It was a great experience to learn to cook huge meals without a kitchen and let go of a lot of my material possessions. It's quite liberating actually and I never thought I'd enjoy being a minimalist cuz the excessiveness of my life comforted me. It shielded me from the chaoticness of my life but what we give off is what we take in. Now I surround myself with less things and I'm lighter, so I attract lighter energy. That's a valuable lesson I couldn't have learned without living here, I believe.
But now it's time for a kitchen. A balcony to grow plants would be nice, too. Sometimes I get premonitions. That's when I see into the future clearly with quite a bit of detail. It doesn't always come true, but it's more solid than a mere thought which can be my free mind accessing intuitive possibility which may sound like the same thing but it's not. However, I can manifest it. Finding a balcony with my budget close to work seems unlikely, but I found something promising on craigslist already. If I continue to manifest my desires, I believe more doors will open up.
So let's review. An apartment with a kitchen for sure! Easy access to work. Preferably a balcony for plant life and utilities included. Washer and dryer must be on site. I'd like a space with hardwood floors or else I may just pull the carpet out. But what if it's damaged with holes? Can any amount of glossy finish fix nicks? Now that I've visited the parania realm, I'm returning to my happy place where I focus my energy manifesting positive desires.
Where I live now, you can hear everything. Walking around makes audible noise. I have no desire to go through the trouble of installing a TV, but at my new place, it'd be nice if it's a possibility. I don't plan on buying cable or anything. However, I'd love to be able to turn on workout DVDs. I'd appreciate that greatly cuz I want this space to be healthy - healthy holistically, nutritiously, emotionally, physically, spiritually, decoratively, artistically, mentally, internally, musically, and socially. Wow, I covered a lot there and I really should give them attention.
I'm going to let the thoughts marinade and return to them tomorrow. I'm beginning to realize the value of processing things subconsciously, rather than surfacing them analytically before they've had time to blossom and fully develop. Shuss for now!
Time will reveal the outcome. No amount of contemplating will advance the answer to me any quicker. (My how much I've grown. LOL) Anyways I'm going through the typical series of considerations, but this time I'm not narrowing my choices or blind to what my choices are. Despite the many jobs I've had, this is the first one that's closeby to where I live and easy to commute to. People live nearby where they live all the time, but I've never experienced this before.
I really enjoy the convenience. People used to be appalled by how far away I was from everything - friends, work, school, home, etc. I just thought it was my life. Now I like to call it standards. :) So nearby commute is a priority. By enjoying the benefit of it, I won't feel so depressed or imprisoned to a higher rental fee. I used to get briefly jealous that others always seem to find better deals than me. That pang of envy didn't last long since my life hurricaned one disaster after another.
My chaotic life forced me to not be petty. Now that I have time to feel how I feel, I'm not wasting it on asinine feelings and directly them outwards. I'm really taking the time to focus on what matters to me cuz the truth is no matter what decisions I make, there's going to be some sort of challenge somewhere whether it be exchanging a long commute for cheaper rent or higher rental fees for a closeby area. With that mentality expressed, I want to be open and receptive to cheap rent nearby. :)
Finding a place with utilities included would be wonderful cuz I've gotten used to not budgeting, which I could get away with cuz my expenses are pre-fixed. When I have to pay something, I pay well in advance so I don't have to deal with a bill monthly. I only charge on my credit card what I know I have money for. I withdrawal the smallest amount of $ I possibly need for food and only access that for food. I do the same with credit cards. Having a bank nearby is a super convenience! Gotta factor that into my moving, too.
I want to move even though I love my space cuz I don't want to become stagnant, and I can feel myself drowning in it. Part of it has to do with my habits, but it's also cuz I don't value my space. Whether my space is clean or cluttered, it feels the same to me cuz it's lacking that flowing energy. Even when I practice feng shui cuz I'm no longer stimulated and excited by it. I need something new.
It was a great experience to learn to cook huge meals without a kitchen and let go of a lot of my material possessions. It's quite liberating actually and I never thought I'd enjoy being a minimalist cuz the excessiveness of my life comforted me. It shielded me from the chaoticness of my life but what we give off is what we take in. Now I surround myself with less things and I'm lighter, so I attract lighter energy. That's a valuable lesson I couldn't have learned without living here, I believe.
But now it's time for a kitchen. A balcony to grow plants would be nice, too. Sometimes I get premonitions. That's when I see into the future clearly with quite a bit of detail. It doesn't always come true, but it's more solid than a mere thought which can be my free mind accessing intuitive possibility which may sound like the same thing but it's not. However, I can manifest it. Finding a balcony with my budget close to work seems unlikely, but I found something promising on craigslist already. If I continue to manifest my desires, I believe more doors will open up.
So let's review. An apartment with a kitchen for sure! Easy access to work. Preferably a balcony for plant life and utilities included. Washer and dryer must be on site. I'd like a space with hardwood floors or else I may just pull the carpet out. But what if it's damaged with holes? Can any amount of glossy finish fix nicks? Now that I've visited the parania realm, I'm returning to my happy place where I focus my energy manifesting positive desires.
Where I live now, you can hear everything. Walking around makes audible noise. I have no desire to go through the trouble of installing a TV, but at my new place, it'd be nice if it's a possibility. I don't plan on buying cable or anything. However, I'd love to be able to turn on workout DVDs. I'd appreciate that greatly cuz I want this space to be healthy - healthy holistically, nutritiously, emotionally, physically, spiritually, decoratively, artistically, mentally, internally, musically, and socially. Wow, I covered a lot there and I really should give them attention.
I'm going to let the thoughts marinade and return to them tomorrow. I'm beginning to realize the value of processing things subconsciously, rather than surfacing them analytically before they've had time to blossom and fully develop. Shuss for now!
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